Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories
by WritetotheDeath
Summary: Can amends be made? Sequel to SB, FS and Broken. Please read and review!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Why do I need to remind you? I still don't own anything! It's not like I went out and bought them or anything!  
  
Intro: You people will kill me one day! Unless someone comes up with another idea that will let me continue this very long series of Eike/Homunculus romance/angst fics then this will definitely be the last. This story, requested by Carley (who came up with the original idea for this story...again!) and a number of reviewers (Love you!), is going to be a couple of chapters long (I'm sure you'll be glad to hear). If you can't guess what it's about from the title (little twist on the other version of the games' title there ^_^) then... well it should be obvious right? Put the emphasis on 'memory', right? Not too much angst in the first chapter but there will be more. Please enjoy, and please review.  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
Eike sat at his desk, tapping his pen in an obvious display of boredom. Occasionally he would glance at his watch, a sign of his impatience. Then he would look at the clock behind him to make sure the time was right. Then back to tapping again.  
  
He was sitting in the reception room of the library, which was more than usually quiet at the moment. Eike had actually considered just closing up for the day, since it didn't seem likely that anyone else would show up. He had better ways of spending his time at the moment.  
  
It had been a very slow week. Well, bits of it had been anyway. During the day Eike worked (using the word in its broadest possible sense) at the library, checking out books, checking in books, and basically doing everything possible to make time go faster so that he could head back home. He was currently waiting for the last five minutes of the working day to pass before saying goodbye to Margarete and charging out the door. It had been the same practically everyday.  
  
//I wonder if Homunculus does this? Just to keep me on edge.// Eike thought, giving a wry smile to the world in general.  
  
The djinn occupied Eike's thoughts every second, even when he was meant to be doing other things. It was hard for Eike to concentrate on anything other than his new... well partner he guessed. Eike's dreamy smile broadened.  
  
It had been, to say the least, an interesting week as far as Homunculus was concerned. After the initial shock that had come from realising that they were in love, they had silently come to an agreement to take things slowly. This, Eike felt, was mostly for Homunculus' benefit, since the demon was unaccustomed to the emotions that he had begun to feel, and was trying in the best way possible to adjust to the fact that he was in love with Eike and that Eike loved him in return.  
  
It had been amusing to see that, very early on, Homunculus had seemed to reach the conclusion that the best way to get to grips with his new emotions was to mix them up with all the old ones. As a result, Eike went home every late afternoon to a djinn that one moment would be making scathing comments and the next would be kissing him tenderly. Homunculus' sarcastic remarks were laced with a deep, almost nervous affection and his extraordinary tenderness with a smug superiority that made Eike want to burst out laughing. But Homunculus meant well, he knew, and he was enjoying the process of seeing the djinn adjust.  
  
But they had not yet gone beyond warm kisses and falling asleep in each other's arms. At one point the pair had entered a conversation that almost got them onto the subject of sex. This in turn led Eike to blush deep red and Homunculus to make one of his usual quick subject changes. They had been very careful to avoid anything even touching on that subject for the rest of the time. They couldn't avoid it forever, but they didn't want to interrupt the stability that had entered their lives as suddenly as it had almost been taken away completely.  
  
Homunculus had made a remarkably quick recovery but thankfully had shown no desire to leave. If he had, Eike would certainly have had a protest or two to make. He didn't like leaving the djinn on his own, not after his suicide attempt, if you could call it that. He just didn't want Homunculus leaping to conclusions again and getting upset enough to do something like that.  
  
But, in his own way, Homunculus had been surprisingly reassuring. He seemed to have regained his self-confidence, almost to the point of being his arrogant old self. He seemed to think that he was in some sort of position of power. Eike never said so, but he often felt like pointing out that if there was any sense of power in the relationship, then it was pretty evenly matched. It wasn't as though Eike hung on Homunculus' every word, thought and action.  
  
Eike gave a deep sigh and glanced at his watch again. Then the clock.  
  
//Right. That's it!//  
  
*******  
  
When Eike walked through his front door fifteen minutes later he immediately called out to let the djinn know he was back. When he got no reply he wasn't worried. Homunculus could be affectionate, sarcastic, and occasionally he could be moody. Today it was likely that he was the latter. He often made it known that he disliked waiting for Eike in this "over- sized cardboard box" but although Eike said that he was free to wander off where he liked, the djinn would immediately wave the matter to one side, saying it didn't matter really.  
  
Opening the door to the living room, Eike grinned as he saw Homunculus sitting, curled up in an armchair, a small book, edged with gold, in his hands. He was utterly still, except for his eyes that followed the words along the page. His face showed, in every way possible, that he was bored.  
  
Eike gave a pointed cough. Homunculus didn't look up, but he shifted irritably in his chair. Eike narrowed his eyes and coughed again, more loudly this time.  
  
"You don't need to be so childish, Eike," Homunculus said in his most condescending tone of voice. "I heard you shout when you walked in the door."  
  
"Then why didn't you answer it?" Eike asked, coming to sit on the sofa.  
  
"I was engrossed in this book of yours," Homunculus said.  
  
"Interesting, is it?"  
  
"I've read it before."  
  
Finally Homunculus looked up; the grin on his face showing that he had only been teasing. Eike glared at him, and then grinned because it was impossible for him not to return that smirk these days.  
  
"So, how was your day?"  
  
More teasing. Homunculus liked to pretend he found their situation amusing, and so he would say horribly cliché lines that only married couples would use. Eike would play up to it, until the pretence collapsed and the two would have a reasonably normal conversation.  
  
"Tedious," Eike said. "Yours?"  
  
"The same. I don't know why any person in their right mind would want to stay at home all day. It's so excessively boring."  
  
"That's just because you're on your own."  
  
An eyebrow was raised in a conspiratorial manner. "Not anymore."  
  
This unusual turn in the conversation did catch Eike off guard. He hadn't expected the almost flirty tone of voice Homunculus used. Unable to think of anything to say, he stared at his partner, hoping that they could end this little game now.  
  
Thankfully, Homunculus tossed the book casually to one side and rose to join Eike on the sofa. He lowered himself to the sofa and simultaneously lowered his lips onto Eike's, giving a small pleasurable moan as he did so. He ran his hands through Eike's hair, listening to the young man sigh contentedly.  
  
"Does everything have to be a game with you?" Eike murmured when they drew apart. Homunculus shrugged, and then stretched himself out in Eike's lap, feeling arms wrap around him from behind.  
  
"Games are fun, Eike. You should always have fun in every situation."  
  
"Well, I'd like to know the rules then, if you don't mind." They looked at each other and smiled. Homunculus reached up and patted Eike on the cheek.  
  
"I make them up as I go along," he said casually.  
  
"Somehow I thought that would be the case."  
  
*******  
  
"One thing I don't envy you humans for is this constant need for food. So much time and energy wasted."  
  
"The whole point in having food, Homunculus," Eike said as he stirred what might have been beef stew, if he'd followed the instructions right, "is to actually get the energy you need".  
  
"It still seems a rather pointless task to me," the djinn said, swinging his legs back and forth in the manner of a bored child. He was sitting on the counter beside the cooker, on which Eike's dinner was presumably cooking.  
  
"Easy for you to say, when you don't actually need food," Eike said fetching cutlery and a plate from a nearby cupboard. "Actually," he said after a moment's thought, "even though you don't need to eat... /can/ you eat?"  
  
He realised the absurdity of his question when he looked at Homunculus' face.  
  
"I will point out to you, Eike, that a certain lack of a digestive system makes it pretty much impossible for me to take in food."  
  
"Oh... yeah... right." Eike lapsed into an embarrassed silence. He was aware suddenly, that he knew very little about Homunculus. Or at least, about his past. He had gathered, from various recent events, that Homunculus had had a very bad life or existence or whatever you should call it. He wasn't quite certain how to approach the subject. Whenever in the past he had made attempts to pry into Homunculus' life, he had been met with changes of subject or indirect answers that were not, on reflection, really answers at all.  
  
Eike had spent a lot of the past few days telling Homunculus why humans did certain things, reacted in certain ways, and the discussions often ended with Homunculus making a dismissive comment about human's and how pathetic they could be. Eike didn't let the insult to his species hurt him, but what did hurt him was that the djinn never in any way opened up to /him/. Eike did all the opening, but Homunculus was like a hedgehog. As soon as there was the slightest suspicion of someone trying to get under him, to his softer side, he closed up and stayed that way.  
  
So now Eike was carefully waiting for the right time to ask Homunculus about his past. Maybe, if he worked his way towards it very carefully...  
  
"So you don't have insides or anything?" he asked, wishing the question didn't sound so utterly stupid. Homunculus gave him a long cool stare and shook his head. "Do you have a brain?" The cool stare became a glare and Eike shrugged, trying to keep a straight face.  
  
Homunculus gave the human a wry smile. "I rather resent that question Eike. Simply because I don't posses... bodily organs... does not mean that I cannot think. Besides, most humans don't use their brains. And need I mention that I tricked you and used you as my pawn for that entire day? I think that proves my superior intelligence, don't you?"  
  
"Always having to prove yourself," Eike said, knowing he had lost /this/ particular conversation. "Why do you always feel you need to do that?"  
  
When the only answer Eike got was a shrug, he immediately felt the familiar annoyance rising in him. He hated that Homunculus would just brush off his question like that. He had done that too many times already, and Eike finally decided he had had enough.  
  
"Look, Homunculus, instead of avoiding an issue, perhaps you could try giving me a direct answer for once? Would it hurt?"  
  
Homunculus cocked his head on one side. He could sense what the young man was talking about. He was not ignorant of Eike's interest in his past, but he felt unable to reveal the details of it. He didn't want Eike to think of him as some kind of slave, as he had sometimes been treated, or as an evil creature. He wished... god he wished... that Eike could just be happy with things as they were. Why did he have to go and pry into things that didn't matter? Another frustrating human trait he was going to have to get used to.  
  
"It depends," Homunculus said at last, "on the questions you ask."  
  
"Well, it seems to me that every time I ask you about anything in reference to who or what you are then you just sort of close up. Can't you be open with me? I mean we are..." Eike paused. He always paused before saying things like this. "...in love." There was another pause. "Aren't we?"  
  
Homunculus was looking at him again, a soft, understanding expression that was surprisingly becoming of his innocent looking face, evil red eyes or no.  
  
"I know /I/ am," he said in a rare show of sweetness. He held out his arms to the young man, who accepted the embrace more because he wanted to avoid an argument than anything. Even though Homunculus was sitting on the counter, his head still only barely rested on the young man's shoulder.  
  
"Why are you so tall?" Homunculus asked when they drew apart. He was slightly surprised to see the determined look on Eike's face.  
  
"Homunculus, please," he said, gently but firmly. "Will you just stop avoiding it now?"  
  
"Avoiding what?"  
  
"And don't put on that bloody innocent know-nothing act!"  
  
Eike's sudden loss of temper was a surprise to them both, but Eike couldn't really regret it, since it was monstrously unfair that Homunculus kept playing him around like this all the time.  
  
"Will you just tell me about /you/?" Eike asked finally.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"I don't know! Anything. How about how you were created? If you're some kind of genie then you must have served other people before. Tell me about them. For God's sake tell me /something/!"  
  
There was a very long pause. Homunculus was looking thoughtful, as if considering the consequences of an action. Eike was just waiting for a sign. Any sign.  
  
"And what if I don't?"  
  
Eike's eyes widened at the djinn's question, and then narrowed in anger at the fact that he still hadn't been given any kind of answer. Angry and hurt, he decided to demonstrate what he would do in that event, and pulled himself free of Homunculus' arms. Forgetting his meal, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room where he slammed the door shut.  
  
He was vaguely aware, though only vaguely, that Homunculus had called his name.  
  
*******  
  
Homunculus sat on the counter for a long time after Eike had stormed away, long after it had grown dark outside, the streets deserted and the only light the lamps hanging from. It wasn't that he didn't understand the young man's anger and frustration. He simply didn't know how to react to it in turn.  
  
He had never shared his past with anyone. He'd never opened up to anyone about anything. Of course, this was partly because he had never had anyone to speak to before. No one worth sharing these things with at least. Eike, on the other hand, was different. He understood things in a way most people didn't. Sure he was naive, and always ranting about doing the right thing, but that was just another reason why Homunculus was so drawn to him. And sometimes Homunculus could recognise a hint of logic in Eike's rants, even if it was logic tainted with emotion.  
  
So perhaps it would be the right thing to do. To open up to Eike about his tragic past. And it was tragic, though Homunculus hated to admit it, even to himself. But if he did decide to tell Eike everything where would he start? He would remember every single detail of his life, some memories being dragged up from the depths where he had suppressed them, being too painful for him to contemplate.  
  
And what if he didn't? Eike had all too clearly shown him what would happen if Homunculus refused to speak on the subject. He would be alone again. Alone with the knowledge that he had thrown away this young man's love because of a selfish desire to remain mysterious and not delve into his own tortured mind.  
  
//Wait,// he thought suddenly. //Did I just admit to being selfish?//  
  
And he was of course. He could finally acknowledge that fact. It should not have been a surprise to the demon really. Looking back on his actions, things he had done to his masters, things that he had done to Eike, he had always been so self-involved. Even though he loved Eike, he could never say that his motives for saving him had been altruistic to any extent. He had done it all for himself. He just never expected things to turn out like this. He never expected to regret who and what he was.  
  
He couldn't risk losing Eike could he? Not after he had been willing to lower so many of his defences and allow himself to actually love someone...  
  
... especially considering what had happened the last time he had done that...  
  
*******  
  
Eike heard the door open and saw the shaft of light fall on the opposite wall, but he refused to turn around on the bed. He was going to be stubborn for once. Homunculus was going to have to make the move this time.  
  
"Eike..."  
  
He shifted slightly at the djinn's voice to show he was awake and had heard him, but still Eike didn't turn to face him.  
  
"Eike..." Homunculus repeated softly, and there was an odd tremble in his voice. But it couldn't be fear could it? "Hold me..."  
  
Now Eike did turn around, angry and the presumptuous request that was obviously an attempt to brush aside the argument that they had just had. He sat up and fumed at Homunculus.  
  
"If you think that I'm just gonna-"  
  
"Hold me," Homunculus voice cut through Eike's, still with that note of fear, and yet strangely commanding in a way he had never heard before. Half pleading, half demanding. "Hold me... and I'll answer anything you care to ask, Eike."  
  
The anger and hurt cooled as Eike saw the sincerity in the djinn's eyes. He could also see that it was with tremendous difficulty that Homunculus had decided to tell him about himself. He felt sorry for him, he really did. But Eike had to know.  
  
He held out his arms, at a loss for words for the moment, and held the fragile creature he loved so much, wishing there was a way to make this easier for him. But there was no way he knew of.  
  
"Tell me how you started," he asked after a few moments.  
  
He felt Homunculus nod against his chest, and heard him sigh.  
  
Then he began to speak...  
  
******* 


	2. The Creator

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.  
  
***Phew this was a quick update! I hope it's good enough for you all. I can't remember where I heard the saying "all that glitters is not gold" but I thought it sounded right for the story. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
"All that glitters is not gold."  
  
It was once a common, though unspoken practice of humankind to summon beings into the world. Beings that have one purpose. To serve unconditionally the one who calls them. That is the purpose of my kind. The djinn. Centuries, even millennia ago, certainly before any records you could find today, we thrived in a world that used us for our abilities, and guarded us like precious gems, fearing that another would take us for himself.  
  
It requires skill and spiritual strength to create a being such as myself. We must be called into being, and thereafter we are bound into whatever our 'master' sees fit. In my case, it was the stone. Whether it was coincidence or fate that it happened to be the Philosopher's Stone itself that I was bound to for eternity I don't know. Or maybe that was created with me, and has always been a part of me.  
  
My creator saw too it that, when I was created, I was sufficiently weak so as to pose little physical threat to him. As for magic, he bound me in a pentagram, and told me that one false move on my part would result in my return to the black hell from where I had been summoned. Being newly created, it may seem strange that I knew and understood what he said to me. But that is part of what I was. Instinct allowed me to understand him, and I knew from the beginning that I must not anger this one who called himself my master.  
  
While I knew and understood spoken words, I did not understand fully the situation in which I had been placed. I have not always been a cold, superior demon. When I was young I was as childlike as my face appears to you. Innocent, naive, I was almost utterly dependent on my master in the beginning, who told me that he had summoned me to work magic for him.  
  
"Magic?" I asked him. I knew the word, but I did not understand how I was to use this magic he claimed I possessed.  
  
"You are a djinn," he said, his voice loud and commanding in my ears. "A fire based demon. You know what magics you possess. Think on it. You know these things. They are a part of you."  
  
I still did not understand. But I was taken aback by his words. "Demon?" I repeated softly.  
  
He laughed at my obvious shock. "Yes. That's what you are. And you're /my/ demon. You do as I command. And I alone, do you understand?"  
  
I couldn't speak for confusion. Baffled thoughts prevented speech. And so I simply nodded. He seemed pleased by my submissive response. When I finally found my voice it was shaking.  
  
"What do I do?"  
  
Again he laughed at my childish question. "You do as I tell you. When I tell you to fetch me something, you do so in an instant. When I ask for you to reveal the mysteries of the world to me, you shall speak until your throat breaks if you must. I own you. You are my possession."  
  
"A possession?"  
  
"Yes. A slave for myself alone. You are my creation."  
  
"You created me?"  
  
"That I did," he said gleefully, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of the power that he would wield with my aid. "You are mine. I formed you as you are. The body you possess is sufficient, and you shall remain this way forever."  
  
Body?  
  
I blinked in confusion and then for the first time I realised that I could see. To see required eyes. I could speak, which I knew required a mouth. Looking down, I found a body that I had not even noticed until that moment. And, supposedly, it was not mine. It belonged to this man before me. He owned me. Mind, body and soul. I was not my own being. I was just a thing. /His/ thing. But he expressed knowledge of what I was, and I felt somehow that there was little I could do other than agree to serve him. What else was there for me?  
  
But I would be useless to him until I learned what magic I possessed. It soon became clear to me that he had created me to be weak in body not only so that he had the advantage over me physically, but also because it somehow increased my magical prowess and my intelligence. My mind accelerated rapidly and my powers astonished and pleased my master greatly. I displayed magics that even he had not thought of.  
  
"You'll be far more useful than I imagined," he told me one night. "I could rule the world with you, little demon."  
  
I had no desire to escape from him to begin with. I was protected under his roof, guarded from a world that he said would destroy me if they learned of my existence. Or worse use me for their own ends. He told me that he did not use me. I was repaying a great debt to him by serving him, for he had given me life. And he was helping me discover my abilities. I had no cause to be ungrateful.  
  
And yet he had not given me life. Not really. I did not realise this to begin with, but I was soon to find out.  
  
I learned very early that I possessed some healing abilities. My strength did not lie in this area, but I was able to cure certain ailments. This required a basic knowledge of the human body, and my master was very willing to bring in a human body to examine with me. Anything to enhance my knowledge. Anything to expand my powers. I felt that the sight of that young man, lying on the stone table, with his blood concealing around my feet and soaking my master's robes, should have sickened me. But I felt a strange detachment. Strange because I believed I was similar to this man, who had once been alive like I was now, or so I believed. Looking back, I viewed this man's body as if it belonged to a lab rat. I was learning, and that justified the methods with which I accumulated my knowledge. I was numb to it.  
  
But I was not numb to the horror that came from the realisation that, unlike other men, I had no heart. My master showed me the young man's heart, red and dripping, and then placed his hand over his chest, telling me to do the same and feel how a heart would beat inside a living man. When I felt nothing I told him so, and he placed his hand over my chest to see if this was the case. He laughed when he also felt nothing.  
  
"So you don't have a heart, little djinn. Perhaps you are not truly alive then."  
  
I was panicking. "You gave me life. You said you gave me life."  
  
"Perhaps only an imitation of life is what I gave you. You pretend to live, but you're just an empty shell with a spirit inside. No heart. So you can't have anything else in there either."  
  
"But you made me like other men," I was sobbing now in my confusion and distress. "You made me real."  
  
"Hah! Things like you aren't real."  
  
"That is a lie!" I screamed at him, feeling the strain in my throat as I did so.  
  
When his hand caught me across the face, I heard the crack that might be heard from breaking a plate. I was grabbed by the arm and smacked again, a sound rap on the side of the head. There were more cracking sounds and when the master's grip on me relaxed I felt like I was going to fall to pieces.  
  
My body, or the shell that was my body, was riddled with cracks like a vase that had been dropped but had not quite smashed. Looking at my arm there was a red glow rising between the cracks, trying to break through and leak away. I felt as though I were beginning to drift away.  
  
I was picked up bodily and the master placed me in the huge pentagram. There was a gentleness to him now, but only because he now feared he would break me. Inside the pentagram, my life's essence was held in place, and my fractured body was forced to make a long and painful recovery. But my mind was even slower to recover. I was still unable to accept that I was not like other men, and that I was just an empty shell. Was I nothing more than a husk, brought to life by some spirit that did not belong on this earth?  
  
"Do not force me to strike at you again, little djinn," the master said to me when I seemed in a fit enough state of mind. "You will not escape from my service that easily I assure you."  
  
"This body..." I choked out.  
  
"Is not a human body," he said. "It is the shell for your spirit. You're like a little doll, brought to life. Nothing more than that."  
  
"But my spirit," I begged. "Is that not human? Something like human?"  
  
"I very much doubt that," he sneered at me. "But that doesn't matter. You'll learn to live with it." And then laughing at the cruel irony of his words he left me alone again.  
  
I was now able to understand my coolness when dealing with that human corpse. I felt no sympathy; no connection to that lifeless body because there was nothing that connected me to it. I was something different to them. I wasn't human. I was an imitation of life.  
  
When my master returned, he gave me my name, so that I would not forget what was. A name that was a cruel reminder that I would never be like other men.  
  
Homunculus; a little manikin. Something that was only an imitation of reality.  
  
I was hurt and bitter because of what I was. A jealousy rose inside me as I began to realise the benefits that would come from being human. I was sent on many errands by my master, who always wished me to find some ancient item, and I always returned without fail. But when I was once asked to bring back a set of books from an ancient land, I almost destroyed myself in my efforts.  
  
I had never been asked to carry anything that would have been considered particularly heavy. A handful of precious jewels, perhaps some ancient scrolls. But when I lifted these books I was not ready for the sudden feeling of exhaustion. I could perform the most powerful of spells and not feel tired in the least, but these simple books defeated me.  
  
I understood now that not only did I have to be careful not to break the shell of my body, I was also unable to use it in any way similar to a human. I was far too weak and fragile for any kind of physical work. This angered my master, who now saw the error in his making my body so weak.  
  
"Damn you to hell," he shouted at me when I told him simply that I could not physically bring him what he wanted. "Damn you and your weak, pathetic body!"  
  
I replied with what was the beginning of the personality you see now.  
  
"You are the one in error, master, for making me this way."  
  
He was astonished and outraged by my insolence, but possibly the reality of what I had said angered him the most. He punished me severely for that display. Not with physical abuse of course. My body would have disintegrated had he been foolish enough to beat me. No. His torture was far worse, using magic to send tides of pain though me, which were intended to break my soul and not my body. I had shown that I was not the obedient, unquestioning servant he had wanted, and he was determined to make me just that.  
  
"I will not have this insolence, Homunculus," he raged at me when it was finally over and I lay on the floor, spiritually exhausted from his magic. "You do not answer back to me. Ever. Do you understand me?"  
  
I struggled to my feet, raising myself up to look him briefly in the eye, and then lower my head in submission. "I understand, master."  
  
Satisfied with my answer, I was left to myself again. Trapped in a magic circle, escape was impossible, so I could only stand and think, occasionally trying some new form of magic to amuse myself. I had allowed him to believe that was his obedient little slave, but he had made my soul very strong to accommodate the large amount of magic I possessed, and my spirit was not easily broken. I was not born a physical fighter, but my spiritual strength was more than a match for his. I knew deep inside that this gross miscalculation on his part might aid me in winning my freedom.  
  
I had only recently begun to see my place as a slave with disgust and contempt. After all, I had power beyond any human conception. Even my master had no idea of my boundless potential. I would never be able to explore my gifts while still in the chains of slavery. I would have to gain my freedom by other means.  
  
And my master was, beyond any doubt, a tyrant. Far from being the ideal person to handle a fragile being such as myself, he was also incapable of managing the power I had. Too much power is a very bad thing, and though he was gaining in riches and knowledge, the number of enemies and those who wanted what he had was also accumulating.  
  
I saw no reason to warn him of impending danger that threatened his life. If he was too much of a fool to notice it then he probably deserved death. But I soon understood the reasons for his uncaring attitude towards his rivals.  
  
It was perhaps a year after I had first been created, and I had been permitted to sit in his cellar alone, though bound within a magic circle, in which I practised my abilities. I had discovered that, with very little conversation, I was able to project my mind over great distances. My magic was still bound in place, so while I could witness events that happened many miles away, I was unable to have any influence. Everyday I was required to report my latest skills to my master. He would record them in a large book, and then use them in whatever way he saw fit.  
  
This book was a mystery to me, and held my interest as nothing else did. For I knew that it must contain all the knowledge of what I was. I had once asked to look at it, and been severely punished for it. My master was very much opposed to me acquiring any knowledge as to what I was. And so my interest grew even more.  
  
That night, I decided to project my mind to see if, perhaps, I would find my master writing in this almanac. I did not know whether he would somehow sense my presence nearby, but I was willing to face the harshest punishment in order to see even one page of that book.  
  
I saw him at his writing desk. He was poring over old manuscripts, ones that /I/ had been sent to fetch. Every so often he would take up his feathered pen and write something in a large book, which I recognised instantly. I allowed myself to drift closer, and back in the cellar, my body trembled in anticipation.  
  
I never had the chance to read a word. The door to my master's chamber was flung open and a younger man, well built and wild-eyed, stood there, breathing hard. I recognised him, but did not recall his name. He was an old acquaintance of my masters, but envy had made him into a plotting back- stabber, who now seemed ready to fulfil some long-awaited ambition. I could see the desire for power in his eyes, along with a terrible bloodlust that I had never seen in the eyes of a mortal.  
  
Shock and fear sent my mind whirling back to my body and in the cellar I scrambled frantically to my feet and began to release every destructive form of magic I could think of to break the seal that bound me in place.  
  
I was not, of course, afraid for my master's safety because of any sense of loyalty. I had simply been told many times that I would be sent back to hell if my master died. This was obviously a bluff to prevent me from trying anything on my master, but I was young and unaware of the 'deal' that takes place between a djinn and its master. I was not prepared to take any chances.  
  
Frantic with worry that I would soon be sent back to hell, I continued this assault on the barrier around me. Only my master was able to free me from this prison, and I do not understand why he did not call for my help as soon as that man had entered his room. Perhaps he thought he could handle such a problem himself. All I know is that it was a full five minutes before I was summoned to him, and I found myself standing in front of him like some kind of defensive shield, facing the deranged man.  
  
My fragile appearance amused him, and he laughed at my master and me.  
  
"You think that little thing will protect you from me? You're not the only one with magic, you know."  
  
"This little /thing/ as you call him," my master growled behind me, "is my slave. A demon slave."  
  
This, surprisingly, only provoked another laugh. "Oh yes. I had heard the rumours. I came for your money and possessions but with a thing like him by my side... I will accomplish what you never could. But I'll kill you first..."  
  
"You will not touch him," I snarled at him.  
  
"Ooh, aren't you a fiery one," he mocked me. "And so devoted too."  
  
"I will not allow you to kill him," I said menacingly. "I will not be sent back to hell."  
  
He sudden pause that descended made me realise that something must have been wrong with what I had just said. But I couldn't understand what. The strange man seemed prepared to enlighten me.  
  
"Ooh, so you didn't tell the little djinn the terms of your contract then? You're a sly one aren't you? Sly, devious, old bastard!"  
  
"Silence!" I heard the master's shout, but the quaver in his voice was unmistakable, and I was not about to do anything without an explanation.  
  
"What contract?" I asked incredulously.  
  
The man grinned, showing dirty brown teeth at me. "Ever wonder what you got out of being his servant?"  
  
"I thought-"  
  
"That's enough," said my master desperately tried to cut me off, sensing his control slipping, knowing I would be capable of destroying him if I knew the truth. "Not another word! Either of you!"  
  
I did not respond. I stared at the man who could tell me what I received from serving my master. He could see my question in my eyes and grinned again.  
  
"You get his soul. He gives up his soul to you when he dies. And you get your freedom."  
  
"Liar!" my master was screaming now. "He lies, Homunculus. If I die, you return to hell. He wants to trick you."  
  
"You let your master die and you're free. There's nothing that can kill things like you. You're indestructible."  
  
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Do not think that I'm easily fooled. I am not indestructible. Do you see this body? One fall and my soul will leak away and I will die. Do not lie!"  
  
"It's no lie," he replied calmly. "If you break, then your essence is bound to oblivion."  
  
"And how is that different from being bound within a magic circle?" I asked.  
  
"You can be freed. If someone performs the right spells, you can be summoned again, give your new master what he wants and then take his soul when he dies. It's one big circle. But you don't die. Never die."  
  
"How can I be summoned again?"  
  
He shrugged. "It'll all be in that book of his," he pointed to my master, who had gone pale with fear now. "The spell may be simple, but it requires the object that you were bound to at your creation."  
  
"And what was I bound to?" this was asked of my master, who fell back, shaking his head. "Tell me," I said threateningly.  
  
"You're mine," he insisted suddenly, trying to regain composure and control. "You serve me. You owe me your existence. You owe me your life."  
  
I looked at him, and suddenly saw how weak he was, like all the other humans I had encountered. He was weak, because he could be broken. His soul could be broken, but mine couldn't, and I finally understood that I was superior to him. His intimidation of me had been a farce. A lie. He was just another weak mortal. He had a few advantages maybe, but in the end, he was nothing.  
  
I smiled at him and in his panic he must have misinterpreted it, for he said, "You won't kill me."  
  
And odd feeling came over me, and a sound issued from me that never had before. A chuckle, which reverberated in my ears, and chilled the hearts of the two mortal men around me. I chuckled at him, feeling my power over him and savouring it just a little before I responded.  
  
"Oh I won't kill you, /master/" I sneered at him. "You aren't worth the effort. But I may get some pleasure from watching your death and then claiming your soul." And with that, watching the horror on his face every moment, I stepped to one side, so that I no longer stood between my master and the strange man. I was no longer a defence. I had given my master over to the enemy, and was prepared to watch the result of my wilful betrayal with cruel amusement.  
  
"No! No wai-"  
  
He had no time to say anything more, before a sharp, knife, as cruel and merciless as my indifference, was flung from the opposite side of the room to imbed itself in my master's chest. I felt, as I watch his last struggles for life, as much as I had felt for the corpse that he had once brought in to me. Absolutely nothing. He stared up at me and I stared back dreamily. "You never gave me life. But you gave me what I need to exist, and I don't need you anymore". A smile played on my lips as I reached down and drew the knife out of his chest. Dark blood dripped from the blade and in the cold steel I could see the reflection of my blood-red eyes and I had never felt happier that I was not human.  
  
"And now..."  
  
The voice reminded me of the other human still present in the room. I did not turn towards him but tilted the knife to watch him in the blade.  
  
"Now, my little demon, it is time for you to learn real power."  
  
I rested my head on one side. "And who are you to presume to teach me such a thing?" I smiled as a drop of blood slide over his image on the steel.  
  
"I am your-"  
  
He was halted when he saw me let go of the knife which now remained suspended in mid-air, held there by my telekinetic power. It was probably more the fact that the point of the knife was aimed at him that robbed him of speech.  
  
"I don't think so," I said simply, and I didn't even turn around to see the knife fly back in the direction it had only recently travelled from, to register the exact same killing blow on its owner. "You will never be my master. No mortal is my master, and none ever will be again. I thank you, for freeing me from lies and deceit, but I need you for nothing else now."  
  
I heard his gasping breathes behind me, and smiled contentedly when they finally ceased. There was nothing now that would ever claim ownership of me. I would take my creator's book with me, destroy it if I saw fit, and rid the world of any knowledge of my existence. Anything that learnt of me would not live long enough to tell what they knew. I could create a realm for myself, where I would be safe from any harm. I would drink all the knowledge the world would offer from my new home. I would be alone. I would be safe.  
  
But most importantly... I would be free.  
  
*** To be continued... 


	3. Interlude 1

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.  
  
Note: I've decided that, between each section of Homunculus' story there will be short chapter's called "Interlude's", which will basically be showing Eike's reactions to what Homunculus tells him and the introduction to the next part of Homunculus' past. It also means that Eike/Homunculus fans get a bit of romance. I don't think there'll be any objections to that right? ^_^  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
Eike listened in spellbound horror as Homunculus related only the beginnings of his terrible life-story. It was not so much the cold-hearted way in which he had allowed his creator to be killed, or the merciless way he had disposed of the other man. It was the extreme mental torment that he seemed to have undergone. It was like seeing a whole different side to the djinn. Innocent and used, he had been deceived into servitude from the beginning of his existence among humans.  
  
No wonder he seemed to hate them so much, and no wonder he regarded them with such utter contempt.  
  
The long silence that followed was wrought with tension. Homunculus was waiting for Eike's inevitable, disgusted response to his story. Never before had Homunculus regretted the death of his master, or that other man, until that moment. And it was all because of Eike, or rather, Homunculus' feelings for Eike. He was filled with self-loathing suddenly, because he knew that Eike would despise him for what he had done. How could the human feel anything for him after listening to that? He was a killer. How could Eike love a killer? He waited for the young man to push him away and leave.  
  
It never happened. Instead Eike's grip on him tightened ever so slightly, reassuringly, as though sensing Homunculus' worry. But he didn't push him away.  
  
Homunculus turned his head upward to look at the young man. When he saw no horror or revulsion in his eyes, he only became more confused.  
  
"You don't hate me for what I did?" Eike shook his head. "Why not?"  
  
"I don't think I could ever hate you," Eike said simply. "Listening to you, I felt... well I could only feel sorry."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"That you were driven to that. I'm sorry that you were made to become what you are now."  
  
"How can you..."  
  
Homunculus' voice had started as shaky, and now it trailed off completely. There were no wild sobs this time, but Eike was certain the djinn was crying, though whether from thankfulness or self-loathing he wasn't sure.  
  
"It's okay," he said softly, "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"Why..." he heard Homunculus' muffled voice begin to ask.  
  
"'Why' what?"  
  
"Why... every time I think I understand you... you turn everything around? I don't understand how you can't hate me. You, with all your morals and your sense of what's right and wrong. How can you not hate me?"  
  
"It sounds like you want me to hate you," Eike said. He meant it as a joke, but the response it evoked was anything but amusement. Homunculus' grip around Eike tightened, and the young man was suddenly afraid that the djinn would damage himself in his desperation not to be separated from him.  
  
Eventually Homunculus spoke. "No, I don't want you to hate me. I just... I though you would."  
  
"Well no, I don't."  
  
Homunculus turned his head up to look at the young human he loved so dearly. "Really?" he asked.  
  
"How can I hate you because someone betrayed you and lied to you? It's not your fault your creator treated you that way."  
  
Now Homunculus shook his head, shutting his eyes to hold back tears of gratitude and despair. "It was not only him who shaped me into... what I am now."  
  
Warm lips on his forehead made Homunculus open his eyes to look at the young man again.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with what you are /now/."  
  
"With what I /was/ then," he said, but he smiled nevertheless. "But I am aware that I've changed. Especially since I've known you. In the last week I've changed so much."  
  
"For the better."  
  
"I have you to thank for that, Eike."  
  
"Your welcome," Eike said, grinning.  
  
They kissed again, and neither said a word for a long time, savouring their individual discoveries as well as their happiness at being together. Eike cradled the fragile djinn against his chest, smiling contentedly, and Homunculus nestled in his arms, with only the sense that there was more to be revealed plaguing his thoughts. Eike must have more questions for him.  
  
He did not have long to wait.  
  
"Homunculus. You said that he wasn't the only one who made you what you were. Who else made you so cold and bitter?"  
  
Homunculus was silent for a moment. Then he began to speak in a voice that shook. "Yes. My next 'master' was... he..." There was another silence.  
  
"We can wait," Eike said suddenly, not wanting to make Homunculus any more upset than he was. Of course he wanted to know more about the djinn's past, but he didn't want to push him too far too fast. He was willing to be patient now that Homunculus was willing to be open. "You can tell me more another time if you want."  
  
He was surprised when Homunculus shook his head. "No I... I think I would rather tell all of it now. I don't want this to be drawn out. That would be worse."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. I'll tell you..."  
  
******* 


	4. Welcomed

Disclaimer: *In a robot voice* I... own... nothing. *Normal voice* Hang on yes I do! I own anything you don't recognise. Take that Konami! The little quote at the beginning is from a hymn I remember. Dunno why.  
  
***Here we go. And please don't complain about how I cut the chapter off. If I hadn't, you'd be waiting a very long time for the rest to come up. This chapter's a bit low on angst. Actually it's very low on angst, but there will be lots in the next chapter, I promise. So enjoy the light- hearted but while it lasts. Thanks to all reviewers. I love you all!***  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
"Ask and it shall be given unto you. Seek and ye shall find."  
  
And so I had my first true taste of freedom. I decided first of all that everything in my master's home would have to be taken with me to the home I intended to create. From that safe haven I could go through every scrap of parchment, read every page of that book and finally come to understand what I was, and what I could do.  
  
But I had to make my new home first. It required very little concentration for me to enter a realm that was not subject to the normal laws of time and space. I watched with a small smile as my body faded from the feet upwards, dissolving in that red glow, as you have seen me do many times. Soon I was drifting in empty blackness, in an oblivion that beckoned to be filled.  
  
And so I created a simple room. Wooden floorboards stretched to a reasonable distance before fading into blackness. That was all my realm was to begin with. The books and papers that I filled it with mostly belonged to my master. I pulled the books through to my realm with my magic, and I arranged them all so that I could read them at my leisure.  
  
But there were things missing. I could not be expected to spend eternity reading these few books. And I needed a window into the outer world.  
  
I smiled. A window. Well why not?  
  
And so I made that magnificent arched window, which when I had no need for it showed me a beautiful, golden sunset. If I wished, it would show me whatever I desired. I could watch and listen to the mortal world from my realm now.  
  
The door was made simply out of a feeling of artistry on my part. My realm was designed on a room after all, and every room needed a door. After a while I discovered that it was a preferable resting spot, where I could look out of my window at leisure, or read a book, or simply sit and think. I made the door to be an opening to the human world, though I didn't really require a door to return and I had no real intention of returning anyway. It just seemed like a reasonable idea at the time, and I never changed it.  
  
And so, when everything was to my satisfaction, I settled down to read. I lay the book out on my wooden floor, and lay down on my front to read it. It was a huge volume, and I didn't honestly expect to hold it in my lap without doing myself a serious injury. With my chin resting in my palm, and a growing sense of excitement, I opened that huge book.  
  
I learnt everything about myself in that book. A large portion was more a diary of events than research notes on my creation. Chronicled events that took place after my creation, a list of my magical abilities, I overlooked all these, not interested in what my former master had thought of my rapid progress or the strange powers that he had never dreamed of.  
  
Then I found something that did catch my interest. This section was about my actual creation. I did not give details of how I was created, but there were a few significant facts that intrigued me.  
  
I read...  
  
//I have bound the djinn to the red stone, which can be found in my treasury. His bondage to this precious gem will allow the holder, possessing the necessary means, to summon him to do their bidding...//  
  
I couldn't contain an amused chuckle at /that/ claim.  
  
//...It is vitally important that the djinn make no contact with this stone. He is a part of it, and as such, merely touching it will erase his existence from the world, and there will be no way for him to return.//  
  
So I was not entirely immortal then, I mused quietly. Oh well, I would just have to ensure that the stone remained here in my realm. I could move it by magic if necessary.  
  
//This also means that the djinn is unable to manipulate the stone in any way. His magic will have no effect on the stone, and so he must rely on his master for its safe-keeping.//  
  
Now I cursed aloud. Getting to my feet, I levitated until I was able to see clearly through the window. As I watched and concentrated, the sunset shifted and flowed into the image of a familiar room, my master's chamber, now empty except for the lifeless bodies on the floor. And something else too...  
  
In the corner of the room, lying on the floor, was a glittering red jewel. I couldn't withhold a bitter smirk when I noticed it was identical to my eyes in colour. It lay in exactly the spot where my master's strong box had been. I glared at it, hating that tiny, insignificant stone for being the one thing in the world that could bring me into the service of man once again. But there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't touch it or move it in any way. So I was forced to leave it, and hope that it would always be thought of as a simple ruby, nothing more than a source of wealth.  
  
I went back to my reading, and learnt plenty more about myself, and the spirit race of the djinn. I learnt that I was supposed to appear to my master, and grant them one wish in exchange for their soul. The contract ended with the death of the master. I smiled; feeling almost a little relieved. So it would not always be like it was with my creator. I would not always be used like a slave, sent to fetch things or asked to perform tricks. I suspected that most of the time I would be asked to grant something like immortality, or great riches, and that would be it. I had no real problem with any of that.  
  
So I was willing to allow my stone circulate around the world, falling into the hands of greedy merchants and nobles, all of them ignorant of its true purpose. I gradually allowed myself to believe that no human in the world would ever be able to summon me and, in my realm, I lived utterly separate from the human race, basking in my independence and the concept of an undisturbed eternity of peace.  
  
Unfortunately, this left me rather ill equipped to deal with a series of events that took me, and the man involved completely by surprise.  
  
It may have been a few centuries later; I really had no idea since I had given up on keeping track of time in the human world. I was perched on my huge door, doing nothing but staring into empty space, when the strangest sensation gripped me. I had a horrible feeling that I was falling backwards suddenly. I could feel a tightening in my chest, like a pair of huge hands was trying to crush me. I winced, and tried to shake off this feeling.  
  
Unexpectedly the feeling intensified, and I doubled over on my perch, teeth grinding in pain. It was almost as bad as when my old master had punished me. But the fact that I had no idea where or who it was coming from was infuriating.  
  
I could feel it overwhelming me, and I knew there was possibly nothing I could do except give in and hope that, if this was the end for me, it would be mercifully quick.  
  
I was sucked into a vortex that blinded me with swirling colours and filled my ears with strange noises that I couldn't identify. I shut my eyes, and placed my hands over my ears, trying to block out the noise and the light. I felt myself turning over and over, and I felt for certain that I was going to die.  
  
And so the sensation of lying on my side, on cold, wet stone, was shocking and something of a relief, though that depended on your point of view. I felt senses I hadn't required in centuries waking up to hear the sound of a mortal crying out, and feel the presence of a soul nearby.  
  
When I finally opened my eyes, I was curled up like a foetus on a stone tabletop. As I uncurled and sat up, my hands brushed aside broken pieces of crude, clay pottery. I raised my hand to my face and saw a wet fluid dripping from my fingers. Then my eyes refocused, and I noticed the figure standing on the opposite side of the room, looking at me in a mixture of confusion, intrigue and terror. I stared back at him.  
  
He was not young, but not old either. I would have guessed about forty- something. He wore nothing but a strange, skirt-type garment and a simple pair of sandals. His black hair was impeccably neat and glossy. His skin was a deep, sunburnt brown, and this was emphasised by the black kohl that was painted around his dark eyes.  
  
"Well, what do you want?" I asked, remembering suddenly that I was a djinn, and was summoned in order to grant wishes.  
  
He said something in another language, and I realised that I was in a different age, as well as a different place. I would have to modify my communication for this new 'master'.  
  
I repeated my question, but this time, I said it in the man's own language.  
  
He looked, if possible, even more shocked than before. He straightened up and frowned at me, seemingly to collect his thoughts together remarkably quickly.  
  
"I feel I should be asking the same question, stranger," he said warily.  
  
It was my turn to be confused, and I resorted to sarcasm in my own suspicion. "You have summoned me for I reason I presume. I would appreciate it if you would simply make your wish and let me leave. I have better things to do with my time than spend it with mortals."  
  
The man's face showed his increasing bewilderment as I said this. I was starting to worry about the man. Why had he summoned me if he had no clue who or what I was?  
  
Eventually the man managed to stutter; "I'm afraid I don't understand. I did not summon you. I was simply performing an experiment, and suddenly my whole set of equipment exploded, and you were lying in the middle of it."  
  
I glanced down at the broken pottery, the puddles of unidentifiable fluids, and then back at the man.  
  
"What experiment were you performing?" I asked.  
  
"I was attempting to create the elixir of life."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "The what?"  
  
He seemed rather annoyed by my ignorant response. "The elixir of life. The fluid which cures all illness' and prolongs mortal life. I have spent many years searching for the answer, and I finally found the ingredient that would allow me to create the mixture."  
  
A sense of revelation came over me. "What is this ingredient, may I ask?"  
  
The man took a few steps and was soon standing by the table, I watched, unmoving, as he began to throw aside bits of clay in a frantic search for something. I saw a hint of desperation in his eyes. He was panicked that he wouldn't find this thing. It didn't matter to me. I already had a pretty good idea of what it was he would show me.  
  
Finally, he bent down, and giving a relieved sigh, picked a very familiar object from the floor. He held it up to me.  
  
"You see?"  
  
I stared in bitter understanding at the gleaming red stone in his hand.  
  
"I see," I said icily.  
  
The young man didn't seem aware of my bitterness, but continued to look at the stone like it was some holy relic.  
  
"The Philosopher's Stone," he breathed the name like a prayer. "For years my brothers in the field of alchemy have searched for it. All the stories say that it creates the elixir of life, or that it can transform any metal into gold." The man glanced at me. "So your appearance here is somewhat disconcerting."  
  
I smiled briefly, glad in some small way that I had upset a great discovery. But I was now beginning to understand my situation. I knew of alchemy, and smiled at the irony of the legend of the Philosopher's Stone. I imagined that there would be a number of unintentional summonings like this, if all my future 'master's' were really looking for this elixir of life. Alchemy was a new practice among humans and that, along with the man's appearance, told me where I was.  
  
"Egypt," I muttered to myself. "Full of interfering humans with too much time on their hands."  
  
The man obviously heard me, and was insulted by my words. "Alchemy is a great science," he said.  
  
"It is a great irritation," I replied. Sighing, I slid off the tabletop and walked around the room, taking a forced, rather patronising interest in the man's books and various chemicals.  
  
"But you speak of humans as a separate race, and you certainly do not look human. What are you?" I let him consider his own question for a moment, and had to chuckle at the conclusion he came to. "Are you a servant of the Gods?"  
  
Smiling, I turned back to him. "And if I was, do you really think I would come here and walk among mortals?"  
  
"I suppose not. But what are you then?"  
  
"It is no concern of yours. All that need trouble you is your wish."  
  
"My wish?"  
  
I was starting to get rather annoyed with this human. "You summoned me. Therefore I am forced to grant you any request. So you would oblige me greatly by getting on with it."  
  
My abrupt, callous attitude was probably not too helpful in those circumstances, and I could see the doubt in the Egyptian's dark eyes.  
  
"You are a djinn then?"  
  
I raised my eyebrows, barely masking my surprise in discovering that he knew of my kind. "You know of things like me then?"  
  
"The world walks in fear of creatures such as you," he said, and my smile broadened all the more. "You are mischievous demons that can do good or bad. Most believe that you are sent either as punishments or gifts from the Gods."  
  
I gave a contemptuous sniff. "Well I was not sent by anyone, but since I'm here you may as well consider me a piece of good fortune."  
  
"The elders claim that you know all the secrets of the world, and understand magic beyond all human comprehension."  
  
"Flattering," I said. "And mostly true."  
  
"But they also say that you steal souls."  
  
I shrugged. "And what is the problem with that?"  
  
The man looked horrified. "My soul belongs to the Gods! When I die it shall follow the footsteps of the god Anubis. You cannot have my soul. I will never let you take it."  
  
"Oh spare me the religious lecture," I snapped. "You summoned me, and you signed your spirit over to me by doing so."  
  
"I never intended to call you forth!"  
  
"Do you honestly think that matters to me?"  
  
"How can you defy the god's plan for my soul?"  
  
"Who knows, perhaps this is what was meant to happen to your soul. Besides, I don't believe in any of that religious nonsense. I'm not human, I don't have a soul, and I'll never die. So naturally, none of what you've just said means anything to me."  
  
I was surprised that this particular, irritated outburst seemed to have a reverse effect on the Egyptian. He looked very thoughtful all of a sudden, and I frowned, wondering what he could possibly be thinking.  
  
"What kind of wishes do you grant then?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"Any kind," I replied, feeling rather frustrated now, and anxious to be on my way.  
  
"I can have anything I want?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "For the last time... yes!" There was a pause. An irritatingly long one and finally I snapped. "Would you please just ask for something? I don't-"  
  
"I want you to tell me everything you know."  
  
I was shocked by this sudden request, and more horrified by what it would entail. If I were to tell him everything I knew, then I would be obliged to remain in the mortal world with him. I cringed inwardly at the thought of being treated like a servant again, and immediately wished that he desired something other than knowledge. Most humans were selfish and wanted riches or immortality. Why did this one have to be different?  
  
So I immediately I tried to talk him out of it. "Wouldn't you rather have something else? Eternal youth? Riches?" These suggestions were received with a shake of the head. "What about power?" I asked, barely hiding my desperation.  
  
I was unprepared for the smile that spread across his face.  
  
"Knowledge /is/ power."  
  
I stared blankly at him, unable to believe that I was really back to being the servant once again. But then again, was I really a servant? If I worked this out in a certain way, I would end up being the master and him my pupil. It couldn't do that much harm, could it? To tell a human some of the things I knew. I would never, in one lifetime, hope to relate all the knowledge I had acquired. But a little perhaps, might be possible. How could it hurt?  
  
"But what exactly is it you wish to know?" I asked suddenly.  
  
He shrugged. "Things that no one else in the world knows. About magic, and demons and creatures like you." I narrowed my eyes at him. "The mysteries of the world, really."  
  
"I could never tell you everything."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You wouldn't live long enough."  
  
He laughed. "I suppose that's true. But I want to learn as much as possible. So... you don't have much choice really, do you?"  
  
I didn't answer, but I did growl under my breath. I /hated/ being reminded that I was still, for all my powers and knowledge, a servant to whoever called me.  
  
"My name is Kamose," he said. I was surprised by this unexpected formality. I had expected to have to call this man 'master'. But he had given me his name, and I smiled inwardly at the thought that I might win his complete confidence and, somehow, use that to gain my freedom again as quickly as possible.  
  
"Homunculus," I said abruptly. He nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"A peculiar name. Who named you?"  
  
"It does not concern you."  
  
"I did say you were to tell me everything."  
  
I clenched my fists as tightly as I dared. "I was not considering having to reveal personal details about myself."  
  
Kamose seemed to recognise my anger, but rather than being afraid, he simply shrugged. "Well, I suppose I can make some exceptions. Who knows, you may feel able to tell me one of these days."  
  
"I wouldn't stake your life on it," I snarled, though inside I was even more confused than before, since I had been expecting him to force the whole story of my creation out of me.  
  
He shrugged again. "I've already given up my life, so I don't think it would make much difference, would it?"  
  
I stared at this strange human, who suddenly seemed so utterly different from all the others I had watched over the years. Intelligent, but he did not use this maliciously. It occurred to me that I could quite easily have used magic to escape, since Kamose had no amulets that would have defended him, like my creator had always carried around with him. But I felt suddenly intrigued by this human, and so I decided I would stay, and perhaps learn a few things about the human race first hand, rather than witnessing them through my window.  
  
I though about what he had just said and, unexpectedly, I began to laugh.  
  
*******  
  
Unfortunately, Kamose did not live alone. He had a wife, and two young children, who I watched grow into adulthood and whom, against my will, I became quite fond of. They were obedient to their father, and treated me with respect, never asking prying questions, or demanding that I play with them. They didn't always leave me alone, occasionally asking me to perform some magic for them, and I would oblige them, like a tired uncle. They didn't seem frightened of me at all after a few days, which I found strange, and oddly pleasant.  
  
This is more than could be said for Kamose's wife, who was a somewhat nervous woman in her late thirties. She avoided me like the plague, and I often heard her argue with her husband about having me in the house.  
  
He constructed a reasonable lie, which portrayed me as an angel sent from heaven to teach secrets to mankind. I laughed at the absurdity of this tale but, as I learned, his wife was not only nervous but she was superstitious, as most Egyptians were, and she believed the story completely. She feared me as a result. She feared what other people might think.  
  
"Would they not consider it a blasphemy?" she asked, throwing glances in my direction that first night. I sat on the stone table of their house, and pretended to ignore their conversation. One of the children, an eight-year- old boy at the time, whose name was Ra, stared at me with wide-eyed fascination. I stared back at him. He was slim, with the same tanned skin as his father, but most of his head was bald, with only a small patch of long hair hanging down one side. His sister, who looked about six, hid behind him, looking at me nervously over her brother's shoulder.  
  
Children had never interested me really. I regarded them as humans with little care for their actions, or the consequences of them. They were reckless and usually extremely pathetic. I had never taken the opportunity to learn anything about them in great detail.  
  
So I wasn't sure what to do when they both, very cautiously, walked up to me, while their parents were occupied in their discussion.  
  
"Are you really an angel?" the boy asked.  
  
I shrugged. "I suppose."  
  
"Can you do magic?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
The boy smiled, becoming more confident with each passing moment. "Can you show me?"  
  
"Yes please," the girl blurted out, before cowering behind her brother again. As she did so, I noticed she held a rather crude looking doll in her hands. It was little more than a few rags filled with straw, and a bit of string supposed to resemble hair. I smiled and held out my hand.  
  
"Give me your doll, and I'll show you."  
  
The girl shook her head suddenly. "No. It's my doll."  
  
"Come on. He wants to show us magic. Give it to him."  
  
"No!"  
  
My smile widened and I beckoned her closer. She shook her head again, clasping the doll even more tightly. Searching her thoughts very briefly, I could see that she was scared, not of me, but of her doll getting destroyed. I saw her, in her own memory, having to sew bits of it back together, and how she had worked so hard to put the pieces together again after accidentally tearing off parts of it. It was the only toy she possessed. It was precious to her.  
  
"If you give it to me," I said softly, "It'll be better than ever before. I'll make sure it never breaks again. Wouldn't you like that?"  
  
I could see doubt in her eyes, but curiosity was overwhelming it gradually. Her grip on the doll loosened. Her brother saw this, and grabbed it from her.  
  
"No!" she cried out as he handed the doll to me.  
  
"It's alright," I said, in what I hoped was a reassuring voice.  
  
I held the doll up and concentrated on it, on the fabric it was made from, and what it was meant to resemble. Slowly the doll began to change. The coarse fabric smoothed out, and the lumps in it evened out, so that it was more of a human shape. The thread strengthened, holding the stuffing in place. The string changed. It wasn't string anymore. It looked more like real hair, soft and ebony black, like the girl's. Finally, I passed my hand over the back, and two gorgeous gauze wings sprouted from the back, glittering in the light. It was a fairy doll now. Or an angel. Whatever she wanted it to be.  
  
I held it out to her, and she took it like I was offering a holy relic. She ran her fingers over the wings in awe, and then turned bright eyes up to me. "It's lovely!" she said. "Thank you!"  
  
I couldn't suppress the proud and satisfied smile that spread over my face. "Your welcome."  
  
"Father," she shouted suddenly, ending the argument between her parents rather abruptly by running between them. "Look what the angel made for me, father!" She held the doll up for inspection.  
  
Kamose looked over at me. I could only shrug. I didn't understand why I had done it either. He smiled unexpectedly. "It's very pretty, Isis. Why don't you go and play with it now."  
  
"Alright!" she said, and throwing me another smile, she ran off into another room in their small house. Her brother ran after her.  
  
"It seems you have made an impression on my children already," Kamose said.  
  
I shrugged again. "They asked me to show them magic. So I did."  
  
"And perhaps now you can begin showing me?"  
  
"That is what I'm here for."  
  
"It is indeed," he said, smiling. Next to him, is wife gave me a nervous glance, and then she followed after her children. I raised a questioning eyebrow. "Never mind her. She will tolerate your presence here. But try not to upset her."  
  
"Oh, I would never want to do that," I said with mild sarcasm.  
  
"She doesn't want you influencing the children. But since most of your time will be given to teaching me, that probably will not be a problem."  
  
"No, I suppose not."  
  
"Shall we begin?"  
  
"I'm ready if you are."  
  
And so it began and would go on for ten years...  
  
***To Be Continued in part 2 *** 


	5. Belonging

Disclaimer: I don't own Homunculus, or the Philosopher's Stone, though that would be nice. I do own all the characters like Kamose, Isis, Ra etc. Anyone who didn't appear in the game. The beginning quote if from a song, and I don't remember what it's called. I just know it isn't mine. Good enough for ya?  
  
***Okay, I thought this section would be the last when dealing with Kamose. Well it isn't. This part of Homunculus' history is too important for me to just skip through quickly. So the third part of this section will be posted after another 'interlude' chapter, both of which will be as angsty as I can make them. So enjoy. ***  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
"I'm afraid I'm starting to feel what I said I would not do."  
  
So I stayed. For ten years I stayed with Kamose and his family, teaching everything I knew to him. Like he said, most of my time was given to this, but I was permitted an hour or so to myself everyday, and of course, unlike myself, Kamose slept at night. So I would often take the opportunity to wander round the Egyptian village he inhabited.  
  
Egypt was a fascinating place in the third century, even by my high standards. The rich culture and way of life of the people brought back a nagging envy of humans that I thought I had buried a long time ago. I liked the idea of having eternal, and having my magic. But I despised my physical weakness, and was terribly jealous of the humans I lived amongst. And of course, that was why all these feelings were returning. Living with humans did this to me. I would become entangled in their emotions until I eventually began to feel them myself. The young boy, Ra, desired above all things to be a famous warrior, fighting for his Pharaoh. I longed for even the possibility of fighting with something other than magic.  
  
I had neglected to tell Kamose that I didn't sleep, and so I was unnecessarily given a bed in which to rest. I say a bed, though it was more a bundle of straw covered with a blanket. I didn't want him to know I didn't sleep, in case he used that in some way so that I wouldn't be able to escape, however briefly, and have a few moments to myself once again.  
  
But that first night I didn't go anywhere. Long after it was dark outside, with nothing but the sound of crickets outside, and the cool air of the desert drifting through the house, I stood and stared at the bed that had actually been made... for me.  
  
No one had ever made me anything before.  
  
Thinking back very carefully, I was astonished by the hospitality with which Kamose and the two children were treating me. I would never, in all my existence, expect a master to provide for me.  
  
And answer a request of mine as well. I had asked Kamose, as soon as I had the opportunity, if he would hide away the Philosopher's Stone.  
  
"What makes it so important?"  
  
"It is simply a tool by which I am summoned," I explained. "I do not think either of us would wish it to fall into the hands of another."  
  
"You would deny me the possibility of using this stone? Do you have any idea of its powers?"  
  
"Yes, you have told me several times," I said, annoyed and not wanting another lecture. "But if someone were to see it..." I shrugged. "Who knows what will happen."  
  
"They cannot take you away," he insisted, though rather uncertainly.  
  
I glared at him, not liking the fact that I was being referred to more as a possession than anything else. "If you wish to take that risk, it suits me fine. But if that stone is used elsewhere, I will belong to someone else, and our deal is broken."  
  
"Why would anyone want to-"  
  
"I thought you alchemists were meant to be intelligent," I snapped. "If /anyone/ sees that stone, human greed will do the rest. Most people won't care about its powers. It's wealth they will be concerned with. You must hide it. Or I leave, whether I want to or not."  
  
"But you can't leave."  
  
I stood there, wishing desperately that I could pummel him into the ground. Somehow I didn't have the heart to use magic against him. I suppose there was a strange sense of duty. He was my 'master' after all. Besides, he was holding the stone in his hand, and I didn't want to risk it being dropped and broken  
  
I was about to speak when Kamose shook his head. "I suppose I could find a good place for it somewhere."  
  
I was shocked. "You... you will actually hide it for me?"  
  
"Well, yes, of course. You are right after all. It does need hiding. I'll find somewhere for it. Don't worry."  
  
He had actually agreed to do as I asked. He had done what I wanted. I didn't have to worry about the stone falling into someone else's hands. If it remained hidden, then I might never have to serve another human again. I felt elated. Triumphant even, that once I had completed my duty to Kamose I would never have to worry about having a master again.  
  
Standing in that house, staring at /my/ bed, I had to marvel at this new experience I had never expected to have with a human. Kindness. No one had ever been kind to me before. I was suspicious to begin with, wondering briefly if this was some kind of clever trick. No one had ever been kind to me before, so why should someone start now? What had I ever done to deserve it? Surely there was ulterior motive to all this?  
  
/But what...?/  
  
A slight tug on my arm interrupted my thoughts, and I almost readied a spell to protect myself. But when I saw my 'assailant' I immediately straightened, and frowned in annoyance.  
  
"Little girls should be in bed at this hour, shouldn't they?"  
  
"I couldn't sleep," said Isis simply. She stood there, dressed in a simple white dress that didn't even reach her knees or cover her arms. Her delicate frame was surprisingly resistant to the cold, and her eyes didn't show any trace of weariness. I smiled as I noticed that her doll was still clasped in her arms.  
  
"Why not?" I asked.  
  
She shrugged. "I just don't feel tired."  
  
I nodded. Again, I wasn't entirely sure what to do now. Inexperience was a dreadful thing in any situation.  
  
"I could make you go to sleep. By magic, if you like," I offered. I would have done anything at that moment to stop her from looking at me the way she was.  
  
"Mother says I shouldn't talk to you."  
  
She hadn't answered my question, but I didn't feel the need to steer back towards it. Like in most conversations that are held with children, the younger party directs the conversation.  
  
"Oh?" was all I could manage at that point.  
  
"She says you'll bring us bad luck."  
  
I grinned but didn't answer.  
  
"If you're an angel where are your wings?"  
  
"I don't need any," I said.  
  
"Could you give me wings?"  
  
"Yes," I said uncertainly. "But I don't think your mother would approve."  
  
Isis giggled, and then covered her mouth so that she didn't wake anyone. Looking into her dark brown eyes, I could see that she resembled her father in a number of ways. From the subtle characteristics in her face to her childish curiosity. Against my better judgement, I found her likeable.  
  
I very carefully knelt down, so that I was level with her. I was short, but she was only six, and barely level with my stomach. We stared directly at each other for a few moments.  
  
"Why are your eyes red?"  
  
"I was made with them like this," I told her.  
  
"Made?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
She frowned. "I didn't know angels were /made/."  
  
I smiled, enjoying adding to the long and elaborate lie that Kamose had obviously told her. And it wasn't as though I was telling her complete lies now was it?  
  
"We are made out of an element. And put inside bodies that look human."  
  
"What element were you made from?"  
  
"Guess."  
  
Isis wrinkled her nose in concentration, and then brightened. "Fire!"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"So that's why your eyes are red?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Gaining in confidence, she took a step closer. I couldn't deny that I was a little worried about what she would do, but I didn't show this in my face, or in any movement. I remained perfectly still, even when her little hand reached out to touch my face.  
  
Again, I was struck with unfamiliar sensations. My creator had only once touched me with gentleness, and that was only because he didn't want to destroy his powerful servant. But now this tiny human child was touching me as delicately as a butterfly might. There was no pressure placed on my body. Just a light touch that was barely a touch at all.  
  
"You're very warm," she whispered.  
  
Reaching up to place my own fingertips where hers lay, I realised this was so. Strange that I had never really noticed how my body worked beyond what my weaknesses were. I had never bothered to investigate, because it only reminded me that I was too weak to even lift a few books without tiring myself. I was physically incapable of even the smallest task, and the slightest reminder was enough to send me into a bitter sulk, or worse, a deadly rage.  
  
With these resentful thoughts rising inside me I stood up and backed away. Whatever these new, strange emotions were, I was far from ready to address them.  
  
"I think you should go to bed now," I said, giving her a long hard stare. She looked at me, and though her eyes displayed hurt at first, a new weariness entered them, and the lids began to droop. She yawned and murmured something, which might have been "good night". Finally she turned and left the room, moving like a sleepwalker under the effect of my magic. I couldn't help feeling guilty for what I had done, but it was necessary. Hopefully, when she woke the next morning, she would think it was all a dream.  
  
I didn't go anywhere that night. I stayed, sitting on the tabletop as I had earlier, with my hand held against my cheek, just wondering what I thought I was doing.  
  
*******  
  
I tried to approach my gradually changing attitude with a rational mind. But more and more as the years passed I found emotions controlling my actions. And not anger or pain, but other things I couldn't identify.  
  
By day I discussed the mysteries of the world with Kamose, who wrote down all that we spoke of in a huge book. At first I was filled with painful memories of how similar this whole situation seemed to me telling my creator what new powers I had discovered. But very quickly I realised how utterly different it was. For one thing, neither one of us did all the talking. We /discussed/ everything, like equals. I marvelled at how Kamose treated me like an equal, not as a slave or something to be studied, like a book. He asked for my opinions on certain parts of history I narrated to him, and in turn gave his own opinion.  
  
After many years I opened up to him about my past. I told him the whole tale of my creation, and about the book that my former master had written. I did not say everything that had been written in that book, but I revealed far more than I had ever dreamed I would. He did not ask searching questions about anything, seeming to understand that it was painful enough for me to say anything pertaining to my first master. In a rare moment of weakness, I told him that I appreciated his instinctive understanding of my wishes for certain details to remain private. He had smiled and simply said, "Everyone has something they need to keep for themselves. We all have a right to privacy, and I shouldn't deny you that right."  
  
I had wanted to cry.  
  
And when I had time to myself, as I said, I would wander the human world, invisible and insubstantial. Mortals are, as I once said to you, nothing but trouble, but I did not mind this so long as they were no trouble to /me/.  
  
The only real trouble I had was with Isis. She didn't annoy me with her questions, though she asked plenty, she didn't irritate me with her constant presence, and this troubled me more and more as I understood that these things should all have annoyed me greatly. But I couldn't help liking her. Her innocent ignorance to what I was amused me, and her gentle manner intrigued me. She was very like her father in her treatment of me, except that she respected me in the way a child respects an adult. She didn't fear me like I would have expected a child to, and I went out of my way to make sure there was no reason why she should.  
  
And things continued like this for years. With the family I endured emotions that I would have found amusing a few years before. I watched Kamose and his wife try for more children, and though they did have a few, they died early, as children tended to do at the time. I was unprepared for the gloomy atmosphere that descended on the family afterwards, and looking back, I must have been terrible company in such times.  
  
When the first child died, only a few weeks old, my 'lessons' with Kamose were briefly put on hold. He told me that he simply wanted some time to himself. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to mourn the loss of his son.  
  
"He was barely alive for a few weeks," I said, not realising how callous I sounded. "How can you grow so attached to him so quickly?"  
  
Kamose kept his back to me, but I swore his shoulders shook. "How long you know someone doesn't matter, Homunculus. I would mourn even if he had only lived a day."  
  
"I fail to see the point that."  
  
"He was my son. Now matter how long he lived, he was still my son."  
  
Left to myself, I wondered why Kamose, a man of logic and science, would allow his emotions to run wild inside him. I didn't know what it was like to have a son, and I had no hope of ever really understanding what he meant. That night, I stayed in to think about it, and Isis, came downstairs because, as happened many times, she couldn't sleep. Only this time with good reason.  
  
"Mother's crying," she said as she sat next to me on the table. I nodded but wasn't certain what to say to her. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't get the cold reaction I had received from Kamose and voicing my opinion.  
  
"Couldn't /you/ have done something?" she asked suddenly.  
  
I stared down at the girl, then eight-years old and amazingly bright for such an age. "Like what?" I asked cautiously.  
  
"I thought angels could bring people back from the dead. Mother would want you to bring my brother back. So why don't you?"  
  
I thought about this, and though I knew I could do it, I also knew I wouldn't. There was a nagging feeling deep inside me that said it would be the wrong thing to do. It would be morally wrong for me to resurrect the dead simply to make a mortal couple happy. Besides, /she/ wouldn't like the idea. She refused my help no matter what the task was.  
  
Surprisingly, I didn't respond to Isis' question in this way. Instead I felt cool logic come from my mouth.  
  
"And what if every angel went around resurrecting the dead? No one would die for good."  
  
"Isn't that a good thing?"  
  
"You'd think so, wouldn't you. But then the whole world would be filled with people. And heaven would get rather empty. I don't think the gods would be happy with that would they?"  
  
She considered my reply, and then nodded sadly. "That's true." There was another pause. "But would it hurt to do it just this once."  
  
"Isis, if I did it once, then I would be asked to do it again. And then where would it end?"  
  
She sniffed, and I realised I may have been a little sharper in my tone than was necessary. "I just don't want mother and father to be unhappy anymore." And she gave a little sob before burying her face against her doll, which still looked as though it had been made yesterday.  
  
Uncertainly, I reached a hand out and placed it on her slender shoulder. At my touch, she leant against me for support, and my eyes widened at the sensation. I'd never comforted anyone before, and I knew that that was really what I was doing right then.  
  
When I thought about it, I could vaguely understand why they were all so upset. If I were to lose something precious to me, wouldn't I be upset? And if I longed for something, possessed it for a fleeting moment before it was gone, wouldn't I cry like Kamose's whole family cried now? If I were to have a human body, walk in it for a week, feeling the unbelievable strength of a mortal man, and then suddenly have it whisked away from me by a force I could not control I would...  
  
At this thought I finally understood what was happening. And I began to ache inside.  
  
But all the emotions I experienced were not painful. I watched the two children grow to adulthood, with pride. But a different kind of pride to the one I was familiar with. An unselfish pride. Like /I/ was there father, or had some part in their growth and development.  
  
I felt happy for someone else too, for the first time ever. I was happy for Ra when he was married, at eighteen years old, to a beautiful young girl of his sister's age. He brought his new wife into the household, since he did not yet have anywhere to go for himself. I had taken it upon myself to provide for the family in subtle ways. Generosity was strange to me also, but I couldn't contain an overwhelming feeling of smug satisfaction when their carefully saved money was put to more uses than they had thought possible. New equipment for Kamose's laboratory in the cellar, or new dresses for the women. They were not wealthy, but by the standards of the time they were well off. I took personal pleasure in seeing to that.  
  
So a new addition to the family did not distress anyone, though there were a number of worries that my presence would disturb Ra's wife.  
  
"What if rumours start spreading?" Kamose's wife said a few nights before the wedding was to take place. "People already worry about you, spending all the time locked in that cellar, apparently by yourself," here she threw a glance at me. I could only smirk back at her. Isis, sitting in the corner, pretending to sew, caught my eye and giggled slightly.  
  
"And what if she tells her family?" the woman asked.  
  
"I'm sure that if we make the situation clear to her, Ra will convince her not to gossip."  
  
"I could do a spell on her if you liked. So that she wouldn't be able to speak," I volunteered, suppressing a chuckle. I was given a horrified look and a scolding glare from the two adults before Kamose's wife ran off into the next room. Kamose followed her without a backward glance. Turning round, I saw Isis, who wasn't sure whether to be amused or horrified.  
  
"You wouldn't really do that would you?"  
  
I shrugged. "I could. And if it was necessary... I might." There was a long pause before I grinned and winked at her, to show that I was joking. Sighing with relief, and glaring slightly, she went back to her sewing.  
  
"I hope she's nice," she said at last. "I couldn't stand to have a bossy sister-in-law."  
  
"I don't think your brother would have married her if she was bossy," I told her. "He has some sense of self-preservation."  
  
She smiled, but somehow it didn't seem as happy as it could have been.  
  
"Homunculus?" I looked up. She knew my name of course, but she still had no idea about my nature. I couldn't deny that this made me feel slightly guilty, but I convinced myself it was for the best. "Do you think I would make a good wife?"  
  
I considered this. She was a curious girl, and many people considered that a bad thing in this age. But surely her sweet personality would eclipse any slight problem a potential husband might find in her. I only wished that she had some choice in her future husband. I couldn't really stand the thought of her marrying a brute. She deserved better than that.  
  
"I can think of no reasons why you wouldn't be," I told her honestly.  
  
"Do you think my parents will choose a husband for me soon?"  
  
"You are old enough to marry now."  
  
"I know."  
  
There was another silence. I could sense, without having to read her thoughts, that she had a husband in mind already. Part of me knew that it was stupid for me to even dream of the possibility of... of anything happening between us, and yet that tiny, hopeful part of me screamed with joy at the thought that, whatever it was I had grown to feel for her was, to some extent, reciprocated. I wasn't yet confident enough, even after ten years, to say that what I felt for Isis was love. Looking back I think it probably was, but I also realise that it was for the best that nothing ever happened. It would have been doomed from the start.  
  
I had watched her mature into a young woman, and learnt to appreciate her company when I had once feared my delight in it. And gradually I found that she stayed up later and later hours in order to speak to me.  
  
Kamose interrupted our private thoughts, coming in looking very annoyed.  
  
"Homunculus, that was very unnecessary."  
  
"I was not being serious," I said. "Perhaps one day you can teach your wife to take a joke."  
  
"While I appreciate your light humour I would also appreciate it if you respected my wife and left her as much alone as possible."  
  
"Oh father," Isis said, "you know how mother is. If a mouse got inside the house she would worry what the neighbours would think." I couldn't disagree with that point.  
  
"I know your mother is naturally nervous, but these are very bad times. Things are not as peaceful here as they once were. Not with Caracalla as the Roman Emperor. I have warned you that he is unpredictable in his cruelty. He despises the Jewish community."  
  
I couldn't disagree with this either, however. Caracalla was indeed a cruel man, and he did indeed hate the Jews, of which there were still a reasonable number of them. There had been a rebellion a century ago, resulting in their massacre and the country still carried the bitter memory of it*. Living not far from the city of Alexandria, we had to be wary of foreign invaders. But I treated the subject as lightly as possible. I wasn't as paranoid as some people, after all.  
  
"I hope her worries are unnecessary," Isis said, and I detected the slightest trace of fear in her voice. I had to admire her courage though. Most women reacted to the thought of invasion as though it was all their fault, and would run around sobbing, packing things in order to be ready to flee the town.  
  
"So do we all," Kamose said, sitting down heavily in a chair. Slipping off the table I approached him, seeing the weariness in his eyes. He was in his fifties now, when most men were lucky to live into their forties. I could ease what pains he had, but he had not wished for immortality, or eternal youth, and so I could give neither, and I actually worried for him now. He wouldn't live much longer, and then what would happen to his family?  
  
"It is worse today," I said. I didn't waste my time on asking things like "are you alright?" especially when the answer was so obvious. Isis, seeing her father's pain, also came towards him, kneeling beside him with worry etched onto her face.  
  
"Oh don't worry. I believe I have a year or so left to me. Long enough to see that everything I leave behind is taken care of."  
  
I glanced at Isis, understanding what her father meant. Her eyes met mine briefly, and then looked away. We didn't say anything more.  
  
Kamose leant forward and placed a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "Why don't you go and help your mother. I need to speak with Homunculus."  
  
Isis looked from one of us to the other for a moment, and then nodded obediently, going to pick up her sewing and then leaving the room. Looking after her, I had a horrible feeling that I knew what was coming next.  
  
"I may be old, Homunculus, but I am not blind and I am not stupid."  
  
I winced at his words, and dared to look him in the eye. I was surprised to see calm understanding and sympathy there, instead of outrage and anger.  
  
"You do understand that I could never allow such a thing? Regardless of how both of you may wish for it."  
  
"I do understand," I said softly, feeling quite suddenly like a young child brought before its father.  
  
"You are not even human."  
  
I couldn't withhold a bitter laugh. "Must you remind me? I know the harsh reality better than anyone."  
  
"And she doesn't."  
  
"No," I whispered sadly. "And I can never tell her the truth, can I." It wasn't a question.  
  
After a moment's pause, Kamose reached out and clasped my hand. "Homunculus, do you believe that you have a soul?"  
  
I stared at him. Why was he asking me this? "I don't know."  
  
"Well, if you do, or even of you don't for that matter, I would like to think that you as human as you can possibly be." I still stared at him. Overwhelmed by his words. Years ago, I would have considered this to be an insult, to be even vaguely associated with humans. But now? Having spent ten years among humans, I couldn't deny that I wished, more than I ever would in years to come, that I were one of them. Truly one of them. I didn't want to be unique, or powerful anymore. I just wanted to be like everyone else. And it was impossible I knew. But I couldn't help smiling that I had reached a state that was as close to being human as I could hope for.  
  
"I love you, Kamose. You, and all you family. Very much."  
  
We were both shocked by this unexpected revealing of emotion on my part. But I couldn't deny the truth of it. I loved them like they were my own family. If I had had a father, I couldn't have asked for a better one than Kamose. I loved his wife, despite her intense dislike of me. Ra, I admired and loved as much as I had once envied him to his physical abilities. I wished him all the best in everything. And Isis? I loved her for being who she was. Who couldn't? My love for them all was complete and unconditional. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them.  
  
"And I'm sure we all feel the same," Kamose said, surprise and pleasure mixed in his voice. My own happiness soared. I wished I could stop time and hold onto that moment forever.  
  
But it passed... and continued on to the worst time of my whole existence.  
  
***To be continued in Part 3 ***  
  
*Note - I did not make any of this up. Caracalla was a real person, who was the Roman Emperor during the 3rd century, when this part of the story was set. The massacre of the Jews in the 2nd century is also true. They are historical facts; I did not make any of it up, so please don't flame me, accusing me of hating Jews. I don't. It is an important part of the story, as you will soon see. I like things based on facts. 


	6. Interlude 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the things I create, obviously. What I do create should be obvious. Anything you don't recognise.  
  
Note: I won't be able to update for at least a week. I'm going on holiday and won't have access to a computer. Sorry.  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
Once again there was a long, pained silence. Homunculus was certain this time that Eike would not run away in disgust, but he couldn't help dreading whatever questions he might ask. But he had to let him ask them; otherwise he really would leave.  
  
But the silence continued.  
  
"Eike?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Is there nothing you want to ask?"  
  
"I thought you didn't want me to ask questions."  
  
"/I/ thought you wanted to ask them."  
  
They stopped. Neither of them wanted to turn this into an argument. And that was what it would become, with Homunculus' emotions in such a fragile state.  
  
Listening to this part of the story, Eike was struck by the emotion in the djinn's voice. Before, there had been bitterness and hatred, but he had expected these things. He hadn't expected the affection with which Homunculus' spoke of the family he had lived with. One that had made him feel almost human. Especially the girl. Isis. The way Homunculus spoke of her was intriguing, but Eike couldn't suppress the instinctive feeling of jealousy that rose in him at the thought that Homunculus had once loved someone else. And the way he spoke of her. Like he still...  
  
"Do you still think of them? Of Kamose and Isis and the others?"  
  
"I try not to. I try very hard not to. But sometimes I do find myself wishing I could go back to them and have things the way they were."  
  
"Why don't you?" Eike asked. He didn't know why he asked that particular question. It made him sound as if he wanted Homunculus to go back, which would mean leaving Eike behind. He swallowed a lump in his throat at that thought. But he continued to speak, and in his own worry he failed to see the pained expression on Homunculus' face. "I mean, if you can travel back in time you could go and see them."  
  
"I could," Homunculus said in a pained voice. "And yet at the same time... I couldn't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Homunculus shuddered slightly, and then buried his head against Eike's chest, trembling ever so slightly. Eike adjusted his arms around the djinn's fragile form, holding him as close to his body as possible, one hand resting on the back of his neck, the other completely encircling his delicate shoulders. He waited patiently for an answer.  
  
"It would only remind me of all that I lost."  
  
Through his shirt, Eike felt Homunculus' cold, wet tears. He couldn't help shivering, but he refused to let the djinn go. Whatever it was the family had done to him, and Homunculus had dropped several hints that it had been a terrible thing, he wasn't going to make any similar mistake.  
  
Reading his thoughts quite clearly, Homunculus spoke again. "I know you'd never hurt me intentionally, Eike."  
  
Eike was shocked. "They hurt you /intentionally/?"  
  
"They believed it was for the best. They felt... that it was what they had to do."  
  
Eike frowned. "It almost sounds like you've forgiven them."  
  
"Perhaps I have. It was so long ago, and they are all dead. Even I can't hold a grudge on terms like that."  
  
"You don't hate them?"  
  
"No. I hate what they did to me. But I don't hate them."  
  
"Do you still love them then?"  
  
Homunculus smiled when he heard the underlying jealousy in Eike's voice and felt a strange pride that Eike was jealous of someone who he had left behind a long time ago. But he needn't feel that way at all. "Yes, in my own way, I think I do. Until now I have kept all those memories and emotions locked away. I think that, it wasn't as though I /couldn't/ feel. I just suppressed those emotions for so long... in the end I didn't know how to waken them again. Until you that is."  
  
"So I unlocked all your emotions?"  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
There was another pause. "But Isis... did you love her... like..."  
  
"Like I love you? I think so, to some degree anyway. But it was hard, with her not knowing the truth about me. You do, and that makes all the difference." Eike still didn't seem completely reassured, so Homunculus turned his head up towards him, and gave him a tender kiss on the mouth. The blonde gave a small laugh, and then returned the kiss. After a moment, Homunculus said, "You know I love you. Why do you get jealous?"  
  
"I don't know. I'll try not to."  
  
They shared another brief kiss before settling back into each other's arms. Homunculus was touched that Eike was jealous of Isis. He didn't love the girl anymore. She was too far out of his reach now. Perhaps the whole time she had just been someone he wanted but could never have. That seemed to be the way things worked for him. Always wanting something that was unattainable. No, he had loved her. But he had accepted he could never have her. She was only a memory now.  
  
And now Homunculus had Eike, possibly the one living creature who would ever understand him to any degree. And the most wonderful thing about it was that there were no lies to feel guilty over. There were no boundaries because Eike didn't care that he was a demon. He didn't care about all the terrible things that he had done. He loved Homunculus anyway. That meant everything to the djinn. No memory was going to make him regret the loss of another, former loved one. He couldn't afford that. Right now, he was just laying her ghost, and the ghosts of that whole family, to rest.  
  
Figuratively speaking of course.  
  
"Tell me the rest," Eike said softly, encouragingly.  
  
Homunculus shuddered suddenly.  
  
"Homunculus are you-"  
  
"No!" the djinn said forcefully, though in a horribly pained voice. "I /am/ going to tell you Eike. It's just that... I put these memories away so long ago. Now... I'm opening old wounds again. It hurts."  
  
"I'm so sorry," Eike said, meaning it with all his heart. "But you do understand, right? I can't..."  
  
"Yes I know. You have to know. And, having told you everything thus far, it would make things worse to stop now. I must continue for both our sakes. But that doesn't make it any less painful."  
  
"I'm right here, Homunculus. I'm right here for you."  
  
"I know, Eike. And I thank you for that. But listen now. Listen carefully."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Then I'll go on..."  
  
******* 


	7. Betrayed

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the things I create, obviously. What I do create should be obvious. Anything you don't recognise. The quote at the beginning is from "The Phantom of the Opera" - the musical. The song at the end is by Heroic Trio and is called "Dead or Alive" I know some of it may sound... weird, but most of it is appropriate at that point in the story. You'll see what I mean.  
  
Note: Good to be back writing again! I missed this fic. I hope this chapter goes down well. Angsty! Yay!  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
"Farewell my fallen idol and a false friend. One by one I've watched illusions shatter."  
  
For a while at least I was happy, knowing that I was in a family who appreciated me, even if most of them didn't really know what I was. I was still wary of my emotions, but felt more able to express myself, and my fondness for each member of the family.  
  
With Kamose, I became far more open with him than ever before. I allowed myself to reveal intimate details of my life before being summoned by him. Things I had not dared tell him before. He listened carefully, looking at me not with pity, which I despised, but a sympathy that I found comforting. At such an old age, the two of us had more in common than ever before. Kamose's body was weak and frail; the slightest physical effort was enough to bring on a fit of choking coughs that hurt my ears to hear. But his mind was as fresh at it had been the day I met him. Trapped inside a decaying body, he could understand to some degree why I so hated my own weak, fragile one.  
  
But things were well enough for the time being. There was no problem when Ra's wife came to live with us. She was constantly reassured that I was safe and would not hurt her and finally she settled for, like Kamose's wide, staying out of my way as much as possible. I didn't mind too much. Some people were just like that I supposed, unable and unwilling to accept anything that threatened their secure little lives. I was happy to have the few people around me who appreciated my company.  
  
It was a few months later that the worst thing imaginable happened.  
  
The roman soldiers seemed to just suddenly appear in the quiet town. They were marching towards Alexandria, under the orders of the Emperor, pillaging everything they came across, and mercilessly slaughtering anyone who tried to prevent them taking what they wanted. Their mission became clear when, looking outside the window, I saw observed the demise of several humans who I did not know personally, but could identify.  
  
"They have come to put down another rebellion by the Jews?" Isis asked, panicked.  
  
"There is no rebellion," I said acidly. "This is revenge. You humans don't let matters rest do you? You'd think one bloody massacre would be enough." I growled in my throat. I did not like my peace, for the peace of those I cared for, being interrupted. "I would advise you not to look." So saying, I drew the crude curtains across. But I was not able to block out the screams from the wretched mortals outside. Isis did her best, covering her ears with her hands, but I could see that this wasn't enough.  
  
We were both astonished to see Kamose and his wife suddenly enter the room, carrying large bundles of clothes and a few precious possessions. Ra followed them with his own wife, carrying a huge chest of the family treasure that had been hidden in a panel in one of the cellar walls.  
  
"We are leaving?" Isis asked.  
  
"I'm afraid we must," Kamose said, his voice hoarser than ever from worry and the sudden efforts he was putting on his frail body. But I was confused.  
  
"Why must we leave?" I asked. "We pose no threat to these soldiers."  
  
"They are Christians, Homunculus," he said hurriedly. "They consider the Egyptians heathens. And they despise people who practice alchemy. The say it is witchcraft."  
  
I wanted to laugh at the irony of that comment. But the situation was too serious for that.  
  
"You don't honestly expect them to just let you go, do you?" I said. "They will kill you as soon as you leave this house. You would do better to stay inside and hope they pass you by."  
  
Kamose shook his head, and I frowned at the emotion in his eyes. Was that guilt I saw there?  
  
"No. I have made arrangements. We are to be escorted out of the town to a safe place."  
  
"Arrangements?" I asked warily. "What kind of arrangements?"  
  
Before Kamose could draw a breath to answer me the door was thrown open and three of the Roman soldiers entered with swords and shields held in front of them. I rounded on them instantly. I didn't care if the whole family would be forced to watch me kill these men. I wasn't going to let anyone touch them. I readied a spell to send these foolish men flying back against the nearest wall, and released it.  
  
I heard the women behind me scream in a painful unison, but I could only watch in disbelief as my spell dissolved before it even touched the men before me. My eyes widened in shock as I realised these men were all wearing amulets made to protect themselves from magic. A djinn's magic. /My/ magic.  
  
But no one knew how to block my magic. No one in the world except myself and...  
  
"Kamose," I whispered in horror, not daring to turn away from these men. "What... what have you done?"  
  
"I am sorry, my friend," he said sadly. I whirled around now, and saw the pain in his eyes. "I had to be done. I had no other choice."  
  
"What did you do!" I almost screamed at him, my body shaking with fear unlike anything I had ever felt before.  
  
"Is this it?"  
  
The voice of one of the soldiers interrupted us, and my trembling only worsened as I realised the 'it' he was referring to was me.  
  
Kamose nodded, not meeting my eye anymore. "Yes." He waved Ra forward with the box of treasures. I stared at it, knowing what it contained as well as money.  
  
"Where's this stone?"  
  
"In the chest, with everything else we can afford to give you."  
  
"No," I whispered. "No, Kamose what are you doing?" I took a step towards him. "You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."  
  
"I'm sorry," was all he seemed able to say to me.  
  
"You /sold/ me?" I cried. The overwhelming sense of betrayal welled up inside me and I felt sobs threaten to tear my body to pieces with their intensity. "You sold me like a piece of... like a trinket!" I began shouting through tears now. "YOU SOLD ME LIKE I WAS NOTHING!"  
  
"Homunculus you are far from being nothing to any of us," Kamose said as firmly as he could manage. "But you were the price of my family's safety. That means everything to me."  
  
"Am I not part of this family?" I screamed at him. "I've been here for ten years. I would have stayed for longer! Forever! You said you appreciated me! You said I was almost human! You made me..."  
  
I couldn't finish my words. How could I speak that horrible contradiction? That he and his family had made me feel happy and loved, when now I felt like just a piece of their treasure chest, something to be used up and then discarded. How could they do this to me? I loved them. I thought they loved me! How could they?  
  
"How could you?"  
  
"Father!"  
  
Isis was crying now too, and screaming in concert with me. She didn't want to leave me behind. It wasn't fair.  
  
"Isis you don't understand-"  
  
"Father, we can't do this to him!" she cried. "It's terrible. How could you? He's like your son. And he's an angel! How could you do that to an angel?"  
  
I stared at the young woman I adored so much through bleary eyes. I was so glad that she was defending me, that she at least was innocent of this treachery. She had stayed true to me.  
  
The sound of one of the soldiers laughing behind me tore me from my thoughts.  
  
"That thing? An angel?" He and his companions laughed at Isis, and I wanted to kill them. I wanted so badly to kill them so that they wouldn't continue laughing, and wouldn't expose my secret to Isis and the others. I looked at Kamose, pleading silently for this one secret to be kept, so that their memories of me were not tainted.  
  
//Tear me away from those I love,// I spoke to him in his mind. //But don't make them hate me. Not just so it's easier for them to say goodbye. If I ever needed a favour of you, it is this only. All is forgiven otherwise. Just don't let them tell...//  
  
But it was too late.  
  
"I think, girl, you've gotten a little mixed up there," the soldier continued harshly. "Your father practices witchcraft, and this is his little devil-servant."  
  
"Oh God," I said aloud. Of all the ways they could have described me, it could not possibly have been worse than that. Far from calling me simple, mischievous djinn, I was now a servant of their religion's embodiment of evil. I was a devil. I was evil, and I could see the disbelief in Isis' face as she realised the truth of it, even despite her feelings for me.  
  
"A devil?" She moaned. "Oh no. Father it's not true. Homunculus please." But I could say nothing to her. Rendered dumb by grief, I could only listen as Kamose did the precise opposite of what I had begged him to do.  
  
"Yes, Isis," he said, sadly. "He is a devil."  
  
I sank to my knees on the floor. I crouched there, pouring out my soul's horror in my sobs and my cries. "Please," I begged, humiliating myself and for once in my life not caring. "Please don't do this! Don't send me away. Take it back, please."  
  
"I'm sorry, Homunculus," Kamose said. "I have to do this for my family."  
  
"I'm family," I cried. "I'm family! I loved you. I loved all of you and now you do this to me. Isis please," I turned to beg the young girl in one final desperate effort. "Don't let them do this." I reached out towards her, and she did the worst thing imaginable.  
  
She screamed.  
  
"Isis-"  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed as loudly as she could, and before I could make another move she was at her father's side, standing close to him for protection. Protection from me. I lowered my head and sobbed uncontrollably. Ashamed and utterly alone again, but it was not like the wonderful contentedness I had felt when I had first been free from my creator. I was alone; having experienced betrayal at the hand of those I loved and trusted.  
  
For the second time humans had taken my soul and shaped it to their will, spinning me in their web of deceit, making me so certain of what I knew and what I felt, only to shatter my hopes, my dreams and all that I believed in. I had trusted these humans and they and thrown it back in my face. And now they were throwing me into the shackles of slavery again. And somehow I couldn't hate them for it. I still loved them because I didn't know what else to feel anymore. I had been tricked into love and trust and now I was utterly defenceless when I should have been hurling a spell to send them all into oblivion. Why couldn't I hate them? Or why couldn't I just not feel anything at all? Wouldn't that be so much easier? I didn't even know if I had a soul. Do things without souls have real feelings? Was everything I had experienced with these humans just a lie?  
  
I clenched my hands into fists. I tried to draw everything inside me, my pain, my sense of betrayal, everything I now felt into one single emotion. I wanted nothing but to hate the human race and everything about them. I was strong. My mind was strong. I could hate them. All I had to do was try.  
  
Above me I heard human voices.  
  
"What can it do?"  
  
"You'll have to find out. We don't have the time to explain. We must leave now, before more soldiers arrive. Show us to safety now."  
  
"What do we do with it then?"  
  
"I don't know! It was made as a servant. Treat it as one!"  
  
I felt something inside me snap suddenly at these words, hurriedly and foolishly spoken by the man who had only recently caused me his 'friend'. What an idiot I had been to believe him. But I would never make the same mistake again, and I was not going to let that bastard leave without some token of appreciation. Appreciation for reminding me that humans were the most dishonest species on the earth. Worse than my kind could ever be.  
  
My kind. I was no longer interested in being human, or anything remotely like a human. I was a demon. A powerful djinn. And they would find out just how powerful.  
  
"Kamose," I called out in a voice that would have chilled even the bravest. I heard the footsteps behind me stop, and knew he had turned to look back at me. I knew I had his attention completely. "Thank you."  
  
"For what?" he asked, fear in ever syllable.  
  
I turned, and smiled. "For making me cold again, as my creator once told me I should be." I felt my smile widen. "I suppose if I had a heart it would be stone now, thanks to you."  
  
Kamose looked at me, uncertain of what to say. "Homunculus..."  
  
"Allow me to return the favour," I said, and blinked once.  
  
I don't know why I did it. It was wrong of me to do something to terrible to him. But all I felt at that moment was anger and contempt for those who stop before me, and all the rest of the world. I wanted to show them what fools they were. I wanted them to mourn the day they ever betrayed me. I wanted revenge.  
  
I watched the man I had once though of as a father clutch at his chest. His heart, now slowly becoming stone, was no longer pumping blood to his body. He was dying very slowly. I wanted him to die very slowly. I wanted to show him things. I forced my way into his dying mind and found all the horrid memories he had hidden away; I forced them to the forefront of his brain. I drew the images out from him and played a disgusting montage before the eyes of his entire family. The children that his wife had given birth to, the ones who had died, all pale and sick, dying once again in front of his eyes as he himself passed on to heaven or hell. I hoped for the latter. The bastard deserved it as much as I did.  
  
Finally his brain stopped functioning as his heart had done, he slumped to the ground, his lifeless body hitting the floor with a resounding, anticlimactic thud that made me chuckle in my malevolent hatred. I watched as a pool of blood that had been forced up from his broken lungs spilled out across the floor. I smiled, and then raised my head to the other lesser beings, staring at my wilful destruction in terror and disgust.  
  
"Any volunteers to go next?" I asked casually.  
  
"Take them!" One of the soldiers said, pushing the others behind him. "I'll handle this thing. I'm protected and it can't hurt me."  
  
I waited a moment, until the others were well and truly gone from the place. I didn't care that they had left me behind anymore. They were not worth my time. When I was certain they were gone, I regarded the sturdy, tough looking soldier before me.  
  
"Come on, demon," he said, tauntingly. "Give me your worst magic. I'll face anything you have coming."  
  
I shook my head. "Tsk tsk tsk. You humans. Always so self-assured. So certain nothing can ever touch you. Where did you get the amulet from, hmm? Did Kamose show it to you?"  
  
"Never you mind that," he snarled.  
  
"But I don't mind really," I said with disdain. "I only asked. It doesn't matter anyway. You'll die whichever way things go."  
  
"You bluff, demon."  
  
"What makes you so certain?"  
  
"My amulet protects me from you."  
  
"Oh no!" I cried out. "Oh dear. What shall I do? Oh I'm at you mercy! Someone save me. Wah wah wah!" My sarcasm shook the soldier's faith in his protection. I smiled at his stupidity, and watched over his shoulder. "Does it protect you from him then?" I asked  
  
The soldier's eyes widened and he spun around to see another soldier, not one of his former companions, standing in the doorway. There was something about his eyes that frightened the Roman. They looked... glazed, somehow.  
  
Before the soldier could do or say anything, the newcomer had reached forward and torn the shining amulet from his neck. Now that he had the amulet, I could no longer control him, but I controlled the door, which slammed shut in his face, conveniently rendering him unconscious. The soldier turned back towards me, the eyes beneath his helmet wide with ear at what he knew was coming.  
  
I saw into his thoughts and grinned. "Oh don't worry. Kamose was the one to hurt me. I gave him a painful, creative death." I regarded the body on the floor with cool contempt. "You on the other hand, presumed to make me a slave. It's so strange what men will force other being to do. Things they consider lesser beings suffer so much at their hands. Even other humans suffer. I watched slaves working in Alexandria one night. They have to work at night sometimes. I wonder... would you be so willing to make slaves of others... if you knew what being a slave was like?"  
  
The Roman stared in horror. A soldiers sense of honour was as important to him as serving his country and Emperor. To be disgraced, treated as a slave, would be the worst thing possible. Slowly and deliberately, I raised my fingers and, when I was sure I had his full attention, I snapped them.  
  
"Well look at you," I sneered. "Don't you just look charming in peasant clothes!"  
  
He looked down and saw the rags he was now wearing. "What... you... no-" He shouted, or tried do as his voice faded away, until it was gone completely. I had taken his voice, the only way he might try and explain who and what he was and was not. In his fury he was about to run at me when two more soldiers broke down the door. Without waiting for any explanation, not that they would have received one, and not able to see me, they grabbed him by the arms, and hauled him away, kicking and screaming silently. I waved at him slyly.  
  
Slowly, I went towards the body that lay, growing cold and stiff on the ground. I thought for a moment, letting my mind wander for a while, thinking quietly. Them, I smiled, and placed one foot on Kamose's back. I lifted my light body and stood on top of him, like he was some macabre pedestal.  
  
"I've seen the future," I said to the world in general, or perhaps to the departed spirit of the man below me. "There's a song... will be a song anyway... I never sang before for anyone. But I think this song... it is appropriate in a way. Consider it my ode to you, my /friend/."  
  
And I sang softly:  
  
"He loved me only as a mad man could  
  
Stronger than vodka and thicker than blood  
  
Said he loved me, loved me, loved me, loved me, loved me  
  
You don't love me, love me, love me, love me, love me"  
  
"Cause it's hard to dance  
  
With the Devil on you back  
  
It's hard to dance  
  
With the Devil on your back"  
  
"He loved me only as a mad man could  
  
Love like blood, sweet like vodka  
  
When he came his life flashed before his eyes  
  
I don't know if he wanted me  
  
Dead or alive"  
  
"Cause it's hard to dance With the Devil on you back  
  
It's hard to dance  
  
With the Devil on your back"  
  
When the song was over, I dissolved my body and reappeared in my realm, the realm I had neglected for the past ten years. Once there, I allowed my cold exterior to crumble just a little, and allowed a silent tear to fall down my cheek.  
  
That was the only sorrow I allowed myself to display, even just to myself, for centuries.  
  
*******  
  
***A bit of a twisted ending there, sorry. Flame if you want, I don't care. Make it constructive though. It might as well mean something right? Love all my reviewers! ^_^*** 


	8. Interlude 3

Disclaimer: I own anything that doesn't belong to anyone else! ^_^  
  
Note: There will probably be two more chapters after this one. Maybe an Epilogue if you want one. Please review! You know I love reviews!  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
Eike couldn't help it. He wanted to throw up at the thought of what Homunculus had done. He tried to compose himself, thinking that the djinn had been horribly betrayed by the people he had trusted and loved. And he had felt the tiniest bit guilty afterwards. Eike would have been more sickened if Homunculus had shown no emotion at all at what he had done. Even now he was certain the djinn was crying quietly, hiding his face in the young man's shirt. He felt so unbelievably sorry for Homunculus. No wonder he despised humans so much.  
  
But Eike's body, which had stiffened when he realised that Homunculus had actually killed that man, Kamose, operated without his control and shuddered horribly.  
  
Homunculus was indeed crying, and when he felt Eike's shudder shake his body too he wanted to die of shame. He wished that he could take it back. But there was no way. No time travelling could alter this twist of fate. It had happened. Homunculus could only pray that Eike loved him enough to forgive him.  
  
He pulled away from the young man, not wanting to see his face but needing to at the same time. He feared Eike's disgust more than anything. Their faces were inches apart, and they regarded each other in silence for a few minutes.  
  
Homunculus could see, despite Eike's best efforts to hide it, that he was horrified by the whole tale. It was clear from his furrowed brow and lips, pressed tightly together. His green eyes, beautiful green eyes, were glazed by horror and carried the faintest hint of tears that might fall at any moment. Strangely, the expression didn't frighten the djinn as much as he had expected, but the man's silence did. Why didn't he say something?  
  
Homunculus' own face was tear-stained. Only the glistening wetness, however, gave away the fact he had been crying. His cheeks did not get coloured by blood, and his eyes were already red, but displayed none of the soreness that you usually saw when a human had been crying. And that was the point, Eike realised. Homunculus wasn't human, and never would be. But he felt, just as anyone else might. He showed emotion, at first only in small ways. Now he was displaying emotions in torrents. It had all been bottled up inside him for centuries. Centuries when he had suppressed everything he was now revealing. He felt sorrow, and guilt and love. If he felt these things, Eike could forgive anything.  
  
With infinite care, the young man reached out and gently brushed Homunculus' tears away, smoothing them away with his thumbs, stroking the smooth surface of his skin. At his touch, which was a sign of forgiveness in itself, more tears flowed from the djinn's eyes. At the sight of the Eike blinked and felt, for the first time, the wetness behind his own eyelids. The tears didn't fall, but they were there nonetheless.  
  
Homunculus, seeing them, could contain himself no longer, and lips parted slightly, he closed the distance between the two of them. He kissed the lids of Eike's eyes, which closed willingly when Eike realised what was happening. The young man could feel the wetness of the djinn's tears on his forehead. They trickled down and mixed with his own tears, which overflowed now.  
  
Homunculus' kisses spread to the young man's forehead, his hairline and then his actually hair. Finally the djinn wrapped his arms around the young man's head and pulled him against his own chest. He wanted to hold Eike this time. He felt the young man's head rested on his delicate chest, and smiled as his arms circled his waist. Pulling one arm back, he stroked his blonde hair, breathing in the smell that rose from it. Fresh and comforting.  
  
Neither had so much as uttered a syllable. There had been no sobs. Only quiet tears. But in the quiet that followed, words were need from one of them. Homunculus said the only thing that he had the strength to at that moment.  
  
"I love you."  
  
The arms around his waist tightened slightly, but only for an instant, and not enough to break him, or even hurt him. Eike moved his head to one side, so the djinn's body did not muffle his reply.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
The silence engulfed them again. But it was no longer fraught with tension. It was more peaceful now, with the pair locked in their own thoughts for a moment.  
  
"I can hardly believe that you don't hate me," Homunculus said suddenly. He regretted saying it instantly. The comment seemed to leave a bad taste in the air. Fortunately, Eike seemed not to acknowledge this, or responded very well to it in any case.  
  
"It's like you said about them betraying you. I hate what you did. I hate that you were driven to that. But no... I don't hate you."  
  
Homunculus had to smile at this reply. He kissed Eike's forehead again. "I don't know what I would do without you anymore."  
  
"Me neither. Even if I didn't love you... you completely screwed the way I look at things."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course you did. With all your coffee or tea mumbo jumbo. I keep remembering that there's about a thousand other me's in alternate universes. Doing almost exactly what I'm doing now."  
  
"Or perhaps not."  
  
The sudden silence that descended was far too bitter for Either one's liking. "But /you're/ here with me," Eike said quickly, sensing the sadness in Homunculus' voice and hating the uncomfortable atmosphere that had fallen over them. "That's good." There was yet another pause. "So you have other Homunculus'? In other threads of time?"  
  
Homunculus smiled. He knew Eike was trying to break the ice between them again. He appreciated the effort, but felt it was the wrong way to go about things. Still, he may as well answer the question.  
  
"I am susceptible to the laws of time and space. Just like anyone else. But my time line does not branch out so much as yours would. Because I manipulate time into one destiny, it leaves little room for any alternate universes for me."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"I'm not sure I understood that."  
  
"Getting another headache are we?" Homunculus smiled when Eike turned his head upward to give him a mock glare. Then he sighed. "But this isn't the time for analogies, Eike. I have a very long time to explain such things to you. They can wait. My story cannot."  
  
"There's more?"  
  
"Not much. But I fell I should tell you more. About the time before I was summoned by Dr Wagner."  
  
"Did you have many masters?"  
  
"A few. But they are only important in showing how my attitude towards humans developed. My contempt and so on. I want to show you how I turned on your kind."  
  
"'My kind'," Eike said, pained slightly. "Please don't say things like that."  
  
"Why not? It's the truth. We are not the same. We never will be."  
  
"But neither of us needs reminding."  
  
"You're right," Homunculus said rather guiltily. "I suppose I just feel bitter about it."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
There was another silence, still slightly tense, perhaps from Homunculus' bitter comment, or maybe Eike's anticipation of the next and final part of Homunculus' story. Finally, Homunculus seemed to collect his senses together, and gave a sigh.  
  
******* 


	9. Judgement

Disclaimer: I own anything that doesn't belong to anyone else! ^_^ Beginning quote is from "Searching My Soul" from the Ally McBeal sountrack.  
  
Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. I will try and add more chapters over a shorter period of time. But I'm in the last few weeks of the school year, and they're pretty chaotic right now. So be gentle with me. I'm not about to give up on this story.  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic  
  
"I've been searching my soul tonight,  
I know there's so much more to life."  
  
Once I had returned to my realm, I was faced with the obvious problem that the stone, which I had no choice but to leave behind in the human world, would still allow me to be summoned. I suspected, however, that those who knew of my existence, and of the stone's power, would be too frightened to return to claim it. As for anyone else who might find it, they would think of it as a jewel, and it would be passed along as it had before Kamose had discovered it.  
  
Of course, there was always the chance, especially at a time like this, that an alchemist would find it, and use it as Kamose had once done, accidentally summoning me from my realm.  
  
Reflecting on this, I smiled, knowing that I wouldn't make the same mistake again, to trust my master. That was never going to happen again. If I was summoned, the poor bastard who had called me wouldn't even know what hit him. He would be dead, or incapable of telling what he knew at least, without even having the chance to make a wish.  
  
For the next few years, I thought up ways of doing this. My time was occupied with macabre thoughts of murder and mental torture. I'm not sure if it was hatred that I felt for the entire human race, or simple contempt. Perhaps it was both. I convinced myself I hated Kamose and his entire family. //That// I would tell myself, //is why you killed him after all//.  
  
And then the day came. The sickening feeling of being pulled into another reality. I didn't try to fight it as I had before. I felt the dizzying wave of magic wash over me, and closed my eyes very briefly. When I opened them again, I was in a similar position to the one I had found myself in when I had first met Kamose; sitting among broken clay pieces and glass, with a stranger staring at me in shock. I looked at him, enjoying his confusion.  
  
"What? What is..."  
  
"Let me guess," I cut him off. "You were trying to create the elixir of life. You thought you had found the Philosopher's Stone with which to do this. And so you are, understandably, a little unnerved by my sudden appearance. Am I getting warm?"  
  
I received only a dumbfounded silence.  
  
"Well, since I am here now," I sighed, "I am obligated to give you a wish."  
  
"A... what?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "A wish? For immortality. Eternal youth." I smiled as I read his thoughts. "That young girl who lives down the street with her family, perhaps?" If possible, his eyes widened further. I felt an extraordinary sense of power over him. Suddenly, the concept of being summoned didn't seem so bad. It was the best form of entertainment I had witnessed in years. A show of my superior power and intelligence. I loved it. What could possibly have been a decent substitute for this? What had I been doing? Wasting ten years catering to an ageing man and his family, when I could have been having all this fun.  
  
"You... what are you?"  
  
"Does it matter?" I asked, side-stepping the question and appealing to the greed in his eyes. "All you need to know is that I'm offering you a chance to have whatever you want. So come on. Give me your wish, and I'll grant it."  
  
He continued to stare at me, and I wondered how this man could possibly be an alchemist. He didn't seem particularly sharp.  
  
At last, he seemed to reach a conclusion. "I want to live forever. I never want to die."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, and quite suddenly a thought occurred to me, and I smiled maliciously, though the idiot before me seemed to take it for a smile of approval.  
  
"Whatever you want," I sneered, and flung my hand out towards him. He took a step back as the spell hit him, and then enveloped his entire body in smoke and light. Eventually these subsided, and the man was left standing before me, a little dazed, but there was no other change to him. He stared at his hands, turning them back and forth. He looked himself over, searching for something.  
  
"What kind of trick is this?" He said, suddenly getting angry. I put on a hurt pout, as if I had no idea what he was talking about. "I'm exactly the same as I was!" he pointed out  
  
"And?"  
  
"I wanted to have immortality!"  
  
"You do."  
  
"This isn't-"  
  
"-what you had in mind?" I cut in, chuckling slightly. "Well how was I to know you wanted to be immortal as a young man? You said 'immortality' not eternal youth."  
  
"But I don't want to be trapped in a body this old!" The man looked around forty.  
  
"That's okay," I said, chuckling again. "Because, you won't look the same age forever."  
  
"I won't?"  
  
"You said you wanted immortality. You said nothing about not getting older."  
  
The dawning horror on the man's face reminded me of another face I furiously tried to cast out of my mind. I steeled myself to his terror at the concept of ageing, but never dying.  
  
"No..." he whispered, his face turning almost as pale as mine. "No it can't be..."  
  
"You humans," I said callously. "You never think about these things. No attention to detail. You should always be very careful what you wish for. You don't always get what you were expecting."  
  
"You demon!" He screamed at me suddenly. I could see fury and terror in his eyes all at once. I could only laugh at it.  
  
"That's right," I said coolly. "I am a demon. Everyone knows you can't trust them. What made you think I ever had good intentions when giving you a wish?" He stared at me, horrified by the cold and calculated logic in my words. So unfeeling and merciless. I didn't care that this man would age until he was no more than a skeleton with a covering of leathery skin. He was human and for me, that meant he deserved whatever he got. All humans were selfish, thinking only of themselves and the present time. Not considering other people or the consequences of their actions, and then groping blindly for answers to why things didn't go their way. Life wasn't like that. It didn't play by rules you tried to apply. Even today, humans don't accept this reality. That is what makes them weak. They try to bend everything to their will, try to shape the universe into the ideal paradise they create within their imaginations.  
  
I was there to wake them up to that reality, I decided.  
  
It continued like this for centuries. I would be summoned by an unsuspecting master, and they would learn a cruel lesson from me every time. I twisted each wish to suit a purpose: to punish.  
  
Men wished for eternal youth: I turned them into children, never able to survive in the world alone, utterly dependant, until eventually they were killed, their fellow humans believing them to be demons because they never aged a day.  
  
One man wished for child. I gave him one. Deaf, mute, and crippled beyond all human help. That was one of the cruellest things I ever did. He had wanted a son, but never said what kind of son he wanted. When he saw the disabled child before him, the boy was no longer a gift but a burden that was not wanted. I never looked back on this scene to see what became of the child I created. I did not dare risk feeling pity for the boy who would inevitably be outcast in a society, which demanded physical well-being in every respect. If I had, I probably would have killed the 'father'. He had a son now. But that wasn't enough on it's own. The son had to be perfect.  
  
It was all about appreciation really, I think. I wanted to make humans appreciate what they had. I could see no other way than through the cruel punishments I inflicted on them. Other people, even creatures like me, were not tools to elevate individuals. Everything felt... to some extent anyway. No one should be used, or have another person's ideal enforced on them.  
  
Of course, not all my intentions were so honourable. In order to make myself cold to the human race, I reminded myself constantly that I hated them, and was punishing them for what they did to me. Each master wished to use me, and I turned that desire against him.  
  
Over the course of a few centuries, my name, in some sense, became known to the world. I became part of the legend of the Philosopher's Stone. The Homunculus. The artificial life that could be made from the precious stone so many Alchemists would have killed for. No one knew of my true nature, and what I did to the master's who succeeded in 'creating' me. All those who attempted the 'Homunculus experiment' mysteriously disappeared. No one ever knew what happened to them, but their houses were often found in ruins. Many assumed they had died in explosions caused by failed experiments. Far from deterring other alchemists, this idea only spurred them on to try and perform the experiment themselves, hoping to be the first to succeed.  
  
Soon it was not my appearance that shocked the alchemists, but my attitude and my offers. But it did not matter to me. I did what needed to be done, and left, having taken care to make sure everything was left in the usually 'mysterious circumstances'. I often placed my deceived and confused masters in foreign lands, or made them unable to speak of their experiments, sometimes robbing them of memories, or creating spells that acted like lie- detectors; inflicting pain whenever the subject of alchemy was mentioned. All this was necessary in my eyes, to make certain that my demonic identity remained a secret.  
  
It was in the 11th century that something went wrong with the whole process, and I experienced for the first time in years the horror of being imprisoned.  
  
The alchemist far more knowledgeable than the others I had encountered previously. He had collected old documents, some of them centuries old, and pieced together the concept that the Homunculus he and fellow alchemists desire to create was not all that they believed it to be. To him, there had been one too many fatal 'accidents'.  
  
And so, when I was inevitably summoned by this man, I was shocked to discover that I was trapped in a circle. It was similar to the one my creator had once used, but I could see subtle differences in the markings. Symbols can never be perfectly copied from such ancient texts, and I began to search instantly for any sign of weakness in the magic barrier that surrounded me, even as I spoke with the alchemist.  
  
"Well, you're certainly more intelligent than any others I have encountered," I remarked snidely.  
  
"So what I suspect is true," he demanded. "The other alchemists... my brothers in the arts... you killed them."  
  
"Killed?" I asked in a mocking, hurt tone. "I? I never kill. In fact in many cases I do the exact opposite. Though I will admit to distributing..." I searched for a word, "... a new perspective on things."  
  
He paused. He had a knife in his hand, though I wondered why, since he didn't look as though he was planning to come much closer to me than he already was.  
  
"Well consider this my sentence upon you for your crimes," he said.  
  
"Your sentence?" I spat, laughing bitterly. "Since when was any human worthy enough to pass judgement on any other creature. Have you led an honourable life?"  
  
"I have."  
  
"Oh really?" I asked, smirking evilly. "Why don't we have a look.... Hmmm..." I chuckled as I unearthed memories from his past, making sure he knew I could see them as well as he could. "I wouldn't consider that very honourable. You killed him to get what you wanted... and didn't you call fellow alchemists your brothers?"  
  
"Silence!" he screamed at me.  
  
"Liar and murderer," I said, still smiling. "Well, you'll be interested to know that I'll give you a punishment fitting for such crimes. I can do so... by giving you what you want."  
  
The man's fury died in his eyes. It was replaced by confusion and suspicion. But deep down, Homunculus recognised the telltale greed he had seen to many times to count.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I am a demon, but my nature is to grant one wish to the being that summons me," I explain wearily. Even as I spoke I saw the greed and hunger for power and money grow in his eyes. Why was it always this easy? Would there never a suitable challenge for me?  
  
"A wish..." he wondered aloud. I nodded, but said nothing. He was silent too for a time, looking at me warily from time to time. I kept my face straight. I could feel a slight weakness in the barrier of magic around me now, and concentrated my energy on it, focusing and making sure I didn't lose it.  
  
"For anything I want?" he asked.  
  
"Anything you ask for," I said, choosing my words with great care. He didn't pick up on my hint, and I again felt frustrated that humans could be so unbelievably stupid. After another long moment, the man looked me straight in the eye.  
  
"I want to possess all the power in the world."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. This was a new one.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes," he said, his voice laced with selfish desire and greed. "I want to be able to do whatever I want, have whatever I want. I... I want my life to be like my dreams... where I'm rich and loved and powerful... yes... yes that's what I desire... that's what I wish for."  
  
"Your dream is to possess all the power in the world..." I considered this. No one had asked for such a thing before. I wasn't even certain that, if I were not to twist this wish into my own judgement, I would be able to grant such power. I smiled. I didn't need to worry about such a thing.  
  
"As you so wish... /master/", and with that final venomous word I threw my magic at the one weakness in his magic circle, and broke through. The spell seeped through, and encircled him. He stared at the swirling energy and I could see the certainty... the greed... deep in his eyes and the way they watched. Like a vulture.  
  
I couldn't withhold a chuckle at his foolishness. "You really think it's that simple? That I will just give you all that power?" The certainty in his eyes flickered when he looked at me. "Hoe do you think I got rid of all your 'brothers'?" I sneered. "They all gave in to their human greed, and that was all I needed to punish them for their ignorance of what it means to be alive."  
  
"What?" he stammered. "I d-don't-"  
  
"Possessing all the power in the world is a madman's dream. The insane can do anything but it's all really in their own minds. I can't think of a better punishment for such a wish than to imprison that sharp, greedy than to imprison it behind madness."  
  
"You..." The horror in his eyes, the realisation that he would not really have what he wished for, was familiar to me. I had seen it in the faces of all the others that had called me. It meant little to me now. I just stood and watched as my work came to an end.  
  
As his mind faded, he gathered together his last piece of sanity and screamed at me in bitter anger. "I can at least give you your own punishment, demon!"  
  
My eyes widened, and a bright glow around my feet made me look down. The lines of the pentagram were beginning to shine on the stone floor of the laboratory. In my bitter contempt I had forgotten that he could activate the symbol whenever he pleased.  
  
"No," I cried out, knowing what this would mean for me.  
  
"Yes. You'll go back to the black hell from whence you came. Into dark oblivion."  
  
"No!" I screamed this time. "No... you..." I could do nothing as the barrier of magic rose around me and began slowly to close around me. This was the one thing I had never experienced in my entire existence. The man who I had met so briefly, the one who had threatened to kill my creator had told me... I could be summoned again from oblivion, but I would be bound there until that time. Would I even have my little realm left to me then? Would I be able to use my magic? I didn't know anything. My ignorance both angered and frightened me. And there was nothing I could do to stop this...  
  
The white light enclosed me, and I screamed. My last sight was of my 'master', falling to the floor and beginning to gibber like the madman that I had made him. Then the light filled all my vision and a brief blast of pain drove itself into every part of my body. And then the light faded...  
  
...and all that was felt was an infinite blackness. Oblivion. I was suspended in nothingness. I wasn't falling, I wasn't standing... I was just there. Truly helpless for the first time in my life.  
  
I wanted to scream in anger at my predicament. I wanted to cry that I was imprisoned. I truly did. It would have been the first time I had cried in a very, very long time. I did not seem quite able to do it. Instead, my mind calmly went through the details of my situation. I was waiting. I may not know how long for, but I was waiting. And I had time to do that. I had eternity. I could afford to wait.  
  
A blissful calm enveloped me. I was trapped but I was not going to be trapped forever. The madman would not be able to tell of his experiences. There would be no warnings to those who followed him. Sooner or later I would be free again. Free to do what I wished and in some cases what other's wished. Well... not really.  
  
Alone... I smiled to myself. The only humour in it was cruel and contemptuous. I would be back soon. And then nothing will have changed. My bitterness towards mankind would not have changed, and their enormous capacity for greed would not have done either.  
  
So I waited patiently... waited for my opportunity.  
  
*******  
  
***Note: This story unintentionally ended up being a little sermon about humanity. I think Homunculus' view of humans is very enlightening and the idea that he (whether he acknowledges it or not) is on a mission here seemed to fit in quite naturally with this whole concept. I feel it adds to the character, giving him an extra, more honourable motive for doing what he does, but not taking away the fact that what he does is terrible. I hope this isn't too heavy for some people. Please tell me what you think. This chapter meant an awful lot to me, as does this whole story.  
  
There will probably be two more chapters after this one. Maybe an Epilogue if you want one. Please review! You know I love reviews! I'd also like to know if people want Homunculus to tell Eike that he is Dr Wagner. Something like that might make the story longer, and add more angst to the whole thing. Tell me what you want. I'm here to please! ^_^ 


	10. Assurance

Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine.  
  
Apologies: *gets down on her hands and knees* Please don't hurl abuse or anything at me. I know it's been a while since I updated. I didn't realise it was three months until I got Carley's review in my e-mail. So I'm really sorry for the delay. and hope you'll accept this chapter while you wait for a bigger update. This may take longer to come. though not three months, I promise. Again. really sorry.  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
Eike hated these long pauses between the various parts of Homunculus' life story. He knew the djinn was giving him the opportunity to either walk out or simply voice an opinion. He hated the feeling of having to fill these silences when all that he needed to say had already been said long before now. Eike didn't care what was revealed to him, just so long as Homunculus was honest with him about everything. What kind of relationship would they have if they weren't honest with each other?  
  
Eike opened his eyes. He had shut them not because he was tired but so he could see what was being described to him more clearly. He saw the story of Homunculus in is imagination, which seemed to work amazingly well. Maybe it was the way Homunculus told his story. Eike could see each event unfold as though he had actually been there to witness it for himself. Perhaps Homunculus had done that. to help him see and understand better.  
  
The young man raised his head slightly, confused for a moment. The room seemed lighter than it had before. The light came from the drawn curtains, the light fabric not providing much of a shield against the first light of dawn that was creeping on them. Eike had completely lost track of time, and because he felt it would somehow insult Homunculus to look at his wristwatch, he could only guess that there was a few hours until he would have to leave again and start a new day of work back at the library. He hated the thought. He didn't want to leave and have the story broken so near the end. He could sense there was still more to come.  
  
"Homunculus." he began.  
  
"I know," said the soft voice of the djinn from just above his head. "Dawn. I suppose you will want to sleep if you must go to work."  
  
Eike didn't miss the slightly hurt tone in the djinn's voice.  
  
"I have to go. You know I do," he said. He felt Homunculus nod slightly, his smooth cheek rubbing against Eike's forehead. Eike swallowed and added, with all the sincerity in the world: "I don't want to go but."  
  
He felt another nod. Then, in a slightly more reasonable voice, heard Homunculus say, "Sleep then, Eike. You have a few hours. I will wake you".  
  
Now Eike nodded and found himself giving an almost embarrassingly huge yawn. He felt the djinn's amusement fill the room, changing the atmosphere around them from tense to relaxed. It was wonderful how the atmosphere seemed to fit the djinn's mood. It could have it's drawbacks of course, but sometimes it was simply like nothing in the world could ever make things better than they were. Considering what they had spoken of tonight, Eike had to give Homunculus credit for being able to lighten the mood to any degree.  
  
"Okay," Eike said, suddenly more sleepy than he imagined he could become in the space of a few seconds. He stayed awake just long enough to tilt his head upwards and place a clumsy but well-meant kiss on the djinn's smiling mouth, and then sank into blissful sleep.  
  
Homunculus only let his smile fade when he was certain the young man was fully asleep. He felt Eike's even breathing easily since their bodies were unbelievably close, Homunculus' arms wrapped around Eike's neck, who had wrapped his own arms around the djinn's delicate waist and rested his head on his chest. Homunculus had never believed that he would ever get this close to another being. A month or so ago the idea would have either sent him into fits of hysterical laughter or into disgusted rage.  
  
And yet here he was, spilling his soul to this mortal man lying in his arms.  
  
Homunculus considered this phrase and winced at the irony of it. He didn't even know if he had a soul to expose. Feelings. he had those. but feelings didn't indicate the presence of a soul did they?  
  
But the other irony of the phrase was his use of the word 'mortal' to describe the young man in his arms. Eike was still blissfully unaware of his true identity and Homunculus was glad that he had been spared, for the time being, the momentous task of revealing that truth.  
  
But only for the time being. Tomorrow, when he returned from the library, Eike would probably be brimming with eagerness for him to finish the story of his life, perhaps even answer a few further questions. Homunculus barely suppressed a shudder at the thought of this. Eike had accepted the truth about Homunculus, but would he accept the truth about himself and what Homunculus had done to him? It was easier to forgive someone who had done terrible things to other people. When you were on the receiving end of these terrible things forgiveness was not usually something most humans considered. They considered revenge and other such things.  
  
And of course, the perfect revenge right now would be for Eike to simply walk out on Homunculus. Or seal him back into the Philosopher's Stone again, and then destroy the stone, ensuring no one would ever have the opportunity to free the djinn again.  
  
Homunculus was not surprised that now it was not the thought of being imprisoned again that filled him with dread. It was the thought of losing Eike. How could he risk losing the young man he loved so dearly? He could make excuses. Eike had made a wish, though he hadn't realised it, that he and Homunculus could be together forever. Well. Eike had immortality anyway, so Homunculus had not needed to grant that particular part of the wish. But for them to be together, now that was something the djinn was only too happy to ensure would happen. Homunculus could easily use that wish to explain circumstances to Eike in the future, when he asked more questions. But somehow, the nagging sense of dishonesty would remain with the djinn in a way that it never had before. The knowledge that that wish was not the one which had given Eike his immortality.  
  
Homunculus sighed. These human relationships were complicated things. He constantly found himself facing dilemmas of conscience, where he didn't know whether to tell the truth was the best thing or not.  
  
Of course, Eike had been very forgiving up until now, and he had asked for the whole truth about Homunculus. The sly manipulative part of the djinn rose to this realisation. Eike had asked for no information about himself. Only about Homunculus. Perhaps the subject could be skilfully avoided.  
  
Homunculus shook his head. No. He wasn't like that anymore. He had almost lost Eike by not telling him what he wanted, and probably needed, to hear. He didn't dare risk that again. He closed his gleaming red eyes and gave a resolute nod to the world in general.  
  
Yes. He would tell Eike. It was the right thing to do.  
  
In the gradually lightening room, Homunculus amused snort broke the silence as an amused smile played over the djinn's mouth.  
  
//'The right thing to do'? If a me from an alternate reality could see me now.// he thought.  
  
*******  
  
Eike's alarm clock seemed louder today than it had ever done in the past. In fact. it was almost painfully loud. Eike actually gave a yell at the sound of it and clamped his hands over his ears. He turned and made a grab for the infernal thing, which should have been on his bedside table, and found himself reaching for empty air.  
  
Turning around, he saw Homunculus, sitting on the edge of the bed calmly, his body twisted round so the young man could see his face, and what he held in his hands. The djinn switched off the alarm clock with a satisfied smile, which he turned on Eike next.  
  
"Good morning, Eike".  
  
The sound of his voice was unclear at first, though this was probably due to the ringing in Eike's head. Eike glared at him.  
  
"Remind me never to ask you to wake me up again," he said, sourly before getting up and stretching.  
  
"Well I wouldn't want you to be late for work now, would I?"  
  
Eike turned and fixed Homunculus with a puzzled look. The djinn seemed to be back to his normal self after last night, and this bothered the young man. He still had the feeling that there was more to Homunculus' background story, and he didn't want to have to wait for another opportunity to raise the subject without risking a fight. An opportunity like that might never come for all he knew.  
  
He risked asking; "What makes /you/ so cheery this morning?"  
  
Homunculus shrugged and stood up. "Perhaps finally getting some things out in the open." This reply surprised Eike, and worried him just a little. He suspected that Homunculus was, once again, hiding something, and made no attempt to hide this suspicion in his expression. Homunculus, noticing the look he was being given, smiled.  
  
"I know what you are thinking, Eike. I am perfectly aware that things are not back to normal, as they were yesterday." Eike smiled at Homunculus' deliberate and very ironic use of the word 'normal'. "There /is/ more I need to tell you. But I know I must tell you and I'm trying to make things as comfortable as possible. It is hard to have any kind of relationship when the only communication is tense and worried. I would not like that to happen."  
  
Eike could see the logic behind this. He didn't want Homunculus to be cold with him, not after he had managed to open up to him. So he nodded. "I wouldn't want that either. It just seemed. like you were pretending last night never happened."  
  
Homunculus shook his head, his eyes half closed. "No. I could never pretend it didn't happen. And I don't want to know. While you slept. I thought about a few things. things that you need to know perhaps for my sake as well as yours."  
  
"Having attacks of conscience now, are you?" Eike asked, instantly hoping the djinn would take the question as a joke, as he had intended it to be. Homunculus grimaced slightly, though there was a trace of humour in his eyes still.  
  
"Yes. But I think I am dealing with them as best I can."  
  
"I can't speak from experience or anything. but I think you're doing great."  
  
"Thank you, Eike." A proper smile formed now at the compliment. "But you cannot afford to spend all day chatting away to me, can you?"  
  
"No," Eike said, looking upset that this was the case, as he was.  
  
Homunculus tilted his head to one side, smiling at the look on the young man's face. "I will still be here when you return, Eike. I don't intend to go anywhere."  
  
"I know. I just. I don't want to leave you if you're upset."  
  
Homunculus rolled his eyes. "If you're trying to refer to /that/ incident again, please don't. That is in the past. Besides which, I am not upset. Merely resolved. And," here Homunculus raised a finger, "I am not in as fragile a state of mind as I was then."  
  
"I love you," Eike said before he could stop himself. His sentimentality was rewarded with another roll of the red eyes.  
  
"Yes, yes, Eike, I am quite aware of it. And I love you also. But you may not be so well disposed towards me if you lose your job on my account."  
  
Finally taking the hint, and just barely satisfied with the djinn's answer, Eike went to a cupboard to pick up his jacket. When he turned, Homunculus had gone, and he panicked for a moment. Then, knowing the djinn would not have gone far, he went downstairs, hoping to find him. He was standing by the door, which was open, waiting for Eike to leave. He had an apple in his hand and was smirking like a Cheshire cat. Handing him the apple, he patted the young human on the head. "Be a good boy," he remarked, teasing him.  
  
"I'll miss you too," Eike said sarcastically. Bending down he gave Homunculus a kiss, smiling against the djinns mouth, knowing he was standing on tip-toes to close the distance between them. Then he turned and left, hearing the door shut behind him with a resounding bang.  
  
"Good morning, Eike Kusch," he muttered as he walked. "This is your life." 


	11. Revelations

Disclaimer: If you recognise it, chances are it's not mine. The quote is from "Les Misérables" and links to Homunculus' inner debate on whether he should risk telling Eike the truth.  
  
Well. it didn't take me as long to update as I thought it would. Bit of a surprise for everyone, even me. ^_^ But here you go. a bit of everything in here but mostly angst, which I'm sure you'll all love (in a sense anyway). It's truth time. I hope I got all the stuff about time and the loop right. I anyone spots a hole in my theory about what happens in the game I'll try and correct it, unless it's so complicated it'll make my head fall off or something. Anyway. enjoy!  
  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
"If I speak I am condemned. If I stay silent I am damned."  
  
It was going to be another long, tedious day, Homunculus realised when the door had shut behind Eike, and he gave a theatrical sigh to the world in general. He supposed he could go through Eike's rather limited collection of reading material, though what was worth reading he had already read before. Eike had decided earlier in the week, when the djinn had expressed his extreme boredom, who the television in the living room worked. Homunculus had tried watching it, and it had made him feel even more bored, and a little depressed. He was a demon after all, and wasn't supposed to be interested in the affairs of humankind.  
  
This left little for him to do. He didn't want to return to his realm because there, time had little meaning, and he might loose track of it easily and return after what had seemed like five minutes to find that he had been gone for years. Eike probably wouldn't appreciate that.  
  
So, Homunculus decided he would just lie and think about things. Going into the living room, he stretched out like a lazy cat on the couch, luminous red eyes staring at the ceiling dreamily as the djinn allowed thoughts to surface from deep inside him.  
  
Despite his conviction when telling Eike he would relate the rest of his life story, and despite resolving himself to reveal to Eike the truth about who the young man was, or had been anyway, a strange sense of impending doom had begun to grow inside the djinn. He wondered if doing the right thing was always like this, with the conscience tugging you in two directions. He loved Eike, and wanted him to trust him. But was he risking their strange relationship this one time by revealing the truth. And would it be so bad to conceal the truth?  
  
Homunculus shook his head. That wasn't the answer. He'd already decided that. Even if Eike's memory would erase itself after a few years, before the man began to ask questions that would still mean that Homunculus would lose him. He would have to go through the whole process of starting a relationship, which in his experience had been extremely complicated and, in many ways, painful.  
  
But that would happen anyway really. The Eike Homunculus knew would be lost for good, and Homunculus was not prepared to let that happen. Perhaps he could think of a way to seal the memory of what they had been through, so that Eike would always know, in some innate way, that he and Homunculus were meant to be together. But that still wouldn't be the same. He will have lost all his memories of why they were together. Homunculus really had no intention of retelling /that/ tale, or the story of his past over and over again to the same person.  
  
And of course they would want to preserve all the memories they would make in the future. What was the point of having a life to share with someone if you forgot every single detail after a few years?  
  
But the consequences of being immortal, and remembering everything. No human could handle that kind of stress on their mind. Not forever anyway.  
  
Homunculus smiled as an idea came to him out of the blue. He imagined him and Eike, going through their memories like a couple might go through a photo album. Then they would decide which ones they wanted to keep and which they would rather forget about. That way Eike's brain would never become overcrowded.  
  
Homunculus' grin broadened, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Eike wasn't some kind of filing cabinet from which memories could be extracted. Every memory was important and taking things out would leave gaps, large or small. That in itself would take a serious toll on Eike's sanity. Besides, even bad memories had their lessons, as Homunculus himself had learned in his colourful lifetime.  
  
He would have liked to discuss this with Eike, but knew the young man was busy working, and when he came home all he would want to hear was the rest of Homunculus' story.  
  
Homunculus made a frustrated sound.  
  
//Humans. they had to go and make everything so complicated.//  
  
*******  
  
Eike opened the door to the library and shouted for Margarete. After a few minutes he heard her voice in the room to his right and he followed the sound. She was standing on the ladder, apparently returning some books to their proper places.  
  
"You're late," she said accusingly, before smiling to show she was joking.  
  
"Sorry," Eike mumbled, putting on an exaggerated expression of hurt. Then he sighed and asked, "Busy already?"  
  
"You can't imagine," she said, putting the last book in place and climbing down. "It wasn't so bad when father was here too."  
  
Eike nodded. "How is the old guy?" he asked lightly. He was glad that, since Mr Eckhart's coming out of the coma and his remarkably quick recovery, he was able to mention the subject without the room filling with tension.  
  
"I went to speak to him last night," Margarete was saying as he followed her through to the reception. "He's much better, though he says he misses my cooking."  
  
"I can understand that," Eike said, thinking of the food in the hospital, which made even his food look tempting.  
  
"He wants to know if you'd come and see him sometime. He has seen you since. before it happened."  
  
"Yeah," Eike scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I guess I've been busy recently."  
  
Margarete fixed with a look of amusement. "So.?"  
  
Eike stared back at her. "So.?" he echoed her.  
  
"Who is she?"  
  
Eike frowned. "Who?"  
  
"I'm not stupid, Eike. I know you're hiding someone back at home. You can't play innocent with me."  
  
Eike stared at her. "I. err. how did you.?"  
  
Margarete laughed at him and waved a hand dismissively in the air. "The way you look at your watch every five minutes wondering when you can get home. The way you rush out the door every day. It's blindingly obvious, you know."  
  
Eike continued to stare. "Oh," he managed to murmur. He realised that he might be stuck explaining his rather strange circumstances to Margarete, who probably wouldn't be very pleased to hear that the being that had taken her 'brother' away and ruined her entire family was now living in Eike's house. "Well. actually."  
  
Margarete giggled at him. "You've gone the funniest shade of pink, Eike. It's okay if you don't want to tell me about her yet."  
  
Eike swallowed and, before he could stop himself said: "Him."  
  
The look he got in return of this comment made him want to melt into a puddle and run off down a drain. He could actually feel the blood rushing to his face as he blushed furiously.  
  
Margarete, still relatively new to some of the things that were accepted in this time, was confused.  
  
"A 'he'? You're. I mean.. How is that.?"  
  
Eike hastily tried to explain. "It's." What was he thinking? How was he supposed to explain this? "It's complicated," he said, giving up. "But it's not unusual for this time, you know."  
  
"You mean. men can get married. to each other?" Margarete's voice was half filled with confusion and half full of fascination.  
  
"I'm not sure about marriage," Eike said. "But. there are male couples around. There are even female couples." Margarete seemed slightly less happy with this piece of news. Eike shrugged. "Some people today are just. attracted to people who are the same sex."  
  
"Oh." Margarete was silent for a while, and they both began to work, glad for their thoughts to be distracted. Eike just prayed he wasn't going to be asked searching questions about this.  
  
He didn't know why but for some reason it was strange for him to think of himself as homo-sexual. While he was quite sure Homunculus was male, it wasn't the same as thinking of him as human and male. Besides, it wasn't as if Eike had been attracted to guys at any time in his life. It had been just Homunculus, who seemed to be an interesting combination of both sexes when you looked at him. What was the word. androgynous? So did that really make Eike homo-sexual?  
  
Feeling distinctly embarrassed at himself, and a little creeped out as well, Eike began working even harder than before.  
  
//Work hard and the day will just fly by.//  
  
*******  
  
Homunculus knew what a decade in the mortal world felt like, and he swore to himself that this single day passed by as slowly as one before Eike finally walked in the door. He smiled at Eike's expression when he entered the house, which was surprised and curious at the same time. Homunculus was sitting on the middle step of the stairs, elbows on his knees, clearly waiting for Eike's arrival.  
  
"Miss me?" Eike said teasingly.  
  
Homunculus tilted his head to one side, the gold cuff on his ear catching the light and glinting in Eike's eyes so that he actually blinked and shielded his eyes from it. He glared at the djinn, who gave him an innocent smile.  
  
"You did that on purpose, didn't you," he said accusingly.  
  
"Always blaming me for everything. Haven't you ever heard of a coincidence, Eike?"  
  
"I know you too well to believe in coincidences," Eike shot back. Then, setting a few books and other items on the ground he ascended the stairs until he could sit beside the djinn. "I brought some new stuff. Just books and all that. So you have something to do tomorrow when I'm gone. You look bored as hell."  
  
"Hell would be an improvement," Homunculus said with cool cynicism. Then he tilted his body to rest his head on Eike's shoulder and shut his eyes contentedly. "Yes," he murmured after a few seconds.  
  
Eike frowned. "'Yes' what?  
  
"I missed you," Homunculus said. Although he couldn't see his face, he knew the blonde young man was smiling and feeling slightly flattered. "I wanted to speak with you. about a number of things."  
  
Eike nodded. "Yeah. There's still stuff you need to tell me."  
  
Homunculus sighed. "Not just about me, Eike. There are things about you. and about us and our future that have to be addressed tonight."  
  
"What about me?" Eike asked, confused and worried.  
  
Homunculus rose to his feet at this and gestured gracefully for Eike to follow him. They went into the living room and sat down on the couch together. The atmosphere was more tense than either of them wanted it to be, and Eike in particular was getting the feeling that something very bad was going to happen, but must be allowed to happen for both their sakes.  
  
"So." Eike asked again, "What about me?"  
  
"I debated as to whether I should tell you, Eike. Even after telling you that I knew I must I still have this feeling inside that wishes I did not have to. I can see from you face that you sense it too. I know it will change a lot for you. For both of us. But it is necessary that I tell you."  
  
Eike didn't like the serious tone in which Homunculus was speaking. It only stirred the misgivings inside him even worse. Even the calm way Homunculus spoke unnerved him. It was the calm before the storm.  
  
"I must ask something of you, before I go on," Homunculus was saying.  
  
Eike nodded slowly, worry etched into his young face.  
  
"You must listen to everything I tell you. Do not walk out of this room until I have told you everything. Take no hasty action and make no premature judgements on me. Just listen and, once I have finished, you may do whatever you wish."  
  
"Will it make me want to walk out?" Eike asked nervously. "If you tell me. will I want to walk out?"  
  
Homunculus shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't know. All I am sure of is that you will not like what I have to tell you. Whether you will dislike it enough to leave me, I don't know. But do you promise? You will listen to everything?"  
  
"I promise," Eike said with slow deliberation, looking Homunculus straight in the eye as he did so, so the djinn could see he meant it.  
  
Homunculus, satisfied by this, nodded and then took a deep breath. "Do you remember. in the time when your friend's wife was meant to be shot?"  
  
Eike nodded, and then his eyes widened. "Oh my god. you. you didn't. it wasn't you that-"  
  
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Homunculus chuckled. "We have been through this, Eike. It was not me that arranged the little shooting episode. It was simply an event in time which gave the opportunity to switch those two babies. I used the event to my advantage, but I did not orchestrate it."  
  
Homunculus smiled at the relief on Eike's face. Then he waved away the apology that he saw forming on the young man's tongue.  
  
"But that is not what I was referring to. It is the time when you came to speak to me there. Do you remember?"  
  
"Sure. You told me about switching the babies."  
  
"Yes. And do you remember what else? When you asked me if Margarete was your ancestress?"  
  
Eike searched his memory for the exact words. "You said. something about. you said it was a good explanation for my involvement with the Wagner family. Something like that."  
  
"Precisely. But. I never truly explained to you what your involvement was with them, did I."  
  
It was not asked as a question, and Eike knew it was true. He had used what knowledge he could get to piece together all that had happened to all the people he had met and to himself, and the explanation that Margarete, or rather Dana, was his ancestress had seemed the only answer. But. now that he thought about it. Homunculus had never really confirmed that theory. He had merely termed it, 'the simplest explanation', as Eike remembered. Now that he recalled the djinn's words, he could remember how they were said. with that strange lilt in the voice which said that something else was not quite being revealed. and with that arrogant little smirk which said the djinn knew more than he was letting on.  
  
"Homunculus." Eike said suddenly. "I. I don't understand what this has to do with you though. Well. apart from the obvious, I mean."  
  
"You are related to that blonde girl, Eike," Homunculus said softly, no longer looking at the young man but at the ground, contemplating something. "And I'm afraid that it has everything to do with me. Everything you are has to do with me."  
  
"I don't get it."  
  
"No. Of course you don't. I have spent all day thinking of ways to explain it. but I know I will never find a good enough way. So I will speak plainly.  
  
"I was summoned, after years of being trapped in oblivion, by Dr. Wagner. I appeared in that little basement lab before him, filled as ever with contempt and cruel thoughts of revenge on the human race. He was shocked at my manner, as they always were, and when I offered him his wish he cried out to his dead wife for forgiveness, thinking he had wasted his whole life searching for the artificial life, the Homunculus.  
  
"I hurried him on. wanting his wish and my freedom again. When he finally gave it he asked for his youth and to be able to stay that age forever. I agreed to it. but wanted to twist it in some way. When I cast the spell I told him he had exactly what he wanted.  
  
"I wasn't prepared for what happened next.  
  
"He trapped me. He had laid out a pentagram on the ground, ready in case something had gone wrong in his experiment. In my rage at being trapped again I stole all his memories, and cursed him to walk the earth as a young man who, after a few years, would lose all his memories of people, places and things.  
  
"Do you know how he knew to place the pentagram on the ground, Eike?"  
  
Eike shook his head, honestly not having a single clue.  
  
"You told him."  
  
Eike stared at him, wide-eyed. "No I didn't. I never did anything like that. I mean. I gave him the stone but."  
  
"Yes, Eike. But you also gave him a warning."  
  
"No, I-"  
  
"By 'you', Eike, I do not necessarily mean you as you are now. It was a you from another thread of time, who had a greater understanding of what I was. Who remembered that I seemed to shy away from that pentagram symbol on that book you once tried to give to me."  
  
Eike nodded now. It made sense to him, after Homunculus's lectures about time and alternate threads of time. And of course, he did remember the djinn's reaction to that symbol. So. another Eike had acted upon that discovery and caused Homunculus' to be trapped in the stone again.  
  
"But then. how did you escape and start manipulating me? If you were trapped in oblivion like before?"  
  
"I didn't. I simply waited for your soul in oblivion. When I rescued you from your fate there was instantly the possibility that I could change time, using you, so that I would be free and Dr. Wagner would never have trapped me. Therefore I was able to take us both to my realm, and exercise my freedom as you saw me do throughout that day. The whole area of time that you experienced is simply one great big loop, and it would be useless to pin-point its beginning for you. All that you need to know is that, for us, it is over."  
  
"What do you mean, 'for us'? Eike asked.  
  
There was a sigh from the djinn before he went on. "When I twisted Dr. Wagner's wish. I saw, in his mind, an image of a young man whom he had met. Someone whom he said he had envied for his youth. So I gave him that young man's youthful appearance. Then took his memories.  
  
"That young man, who had been Dr. Wagner, was now gifted with eternal youth. He wandered, as I had planned, through the world, every few years losing his memories. Then, one day. his memories are lost while he sits in a café. He walks out. has even forgotten what time it is and looks at his watch. He walks the streets of the small town when suddenly. for no reason at all it would appear. he is stabbed in the back at precisely 2:00 in the afternoon.  
  
"Do you understand what I am telling you. Eike?"  
  
Homunculus dared to glance at the young man's face, and saw that he had turned deathly pale. The realisation of what he had been told had slowly dawned on Eike throughout Homunculus' story. as Homunculus had begun to retell the fateful day they had gone through.  
  
Which meant that the young man. who had been Dr. Wagner.  
  
"No." Eike's single word came out in a barely audible whisper.  
  
Homucnulus nodded. "You recall that I summoned a puppet to get rid of Hugo? And you remember. I told you Wagner was not dead and therefore I couldn't call up his spirit? And you worked your way through your destiny, ignorant of your true roll, both as my pawn and, in a way, the cause of everything that had happened. When you gave the Philosopher's Stone to Dr. Wagner. you gave it to yourself, Eike."  
  
"And." Eike spoke in a strained voice as he struggled to understand the full weight of it all. "that means. they're my family, aren't they. Mar-. Dana and Hugo. and Helena."  
  
Homunculus could see the pain in Eike's face, but he had to keep explaining.  
  
"You summoned me. And I gave you eternal youth, and stole your memories in retaliation against you trapping me. The stone. you kept that with you, always. That one time in the café. you left it behind. You forgot you had it when you set it down on the table. You remembered the lighter was your though, didn't you. Because you only used that after you had lost your memories again."  
  
Eike nodded. It made sense. How else could he explain that, no matter how hard he tried, he simply could not remember anything that had happened before that time. He vaguely remembered that he had been confused. He hadn't remembered walking into that café at all. He had searched his pockets, found his wallet and a lighter. a notebook. That much gave him a name. and told him a few things he was supposed to do that day. He remembered frowning at the unfamiliar name 'Eckhart'. wondering why he had to go down to some art museum to see him.  
  
//That's why I forgot to go down there,// Eike thought. //That's why I had no idea why Dana thought the red stone was mine. That's why. all of this happened. Because. of me.//  
  
A horrible sadness welled up inside Eike when guilt hit him with full force. It had been his fault then. It had been his desire to create the Homunculus that had brought all of this about. It was his fault that the lives of so many had been ruined. Because of him. familes had been torn apart. His own family.  
  
Eike's silence. in some horrible way. frightened Homunculus more than any amount of screaming and crying ever could. He could see unparalled despair welling up in the man's eye's, and his own began to sting as he felt the guilt of his responsibility as well. Not just because of what had happened, but because of Eike now, looking as if his world had come crashing down around him.  
  
His eyes blurred with unshed tears, until Eike was only a shadowy image to the djinn. Desperate to console the young man he loved so much, and desperate for forgiveness, Homunculus reached out a hand for him.  
  
It never made contact. Homunculus only watched as the hazy image rose up, briefly towering over him, and then moved away and was gone completely. He didn't know what expression Eike wore on his face as he departed so silently. Did the djinn want to know what it was?  
  
Bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, Homunculus curled himself into a ball, burying his face in his kness and containing his sobs as best he could as they rose from his chest, threatening to break free in a flood of wet tears and broken words of sorrow.  
  
"Please." Homunculus murmured just before he broke down completely. "Please. not again." 


	12. Amends

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and the song lyrics at the beginning are from "Gollum's Song" from The Two Towers.  
  
Shadow of Destiny  
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories  
  
Where once was light now darkness falls  
Where once was love, love is no more  
Don't say goodbye.  
Don't say I didn't try.  
  
Eike could feel the chill of night air on his skin but inside everything felt boiling hot. He watched his breath condense into vapour before him and tried desperately to calm himself down when he realised how fast his breathing had become. He slowed his pace as he walked down the street, then finally stopped when he came to a bench. He sat heavily on the wooden seat, but instantly regretted it. Walking had at least given him a way to vent his frustration, or in some way distract himself. Now that he was no longer moving it was as though all his thoughts had caught up with him.  
  
But he didn't have the heart to get up. Instead he slumped forward and buried his face against the palms of his hands, fighting angry tears.  
  
Of all the things that could have happened... all the ways this strange story could end it had to be like that. With that final, disgusting truth which, now that it was unveiled, he realised should have been obvious long before now. So many hints had been dropped here and there... and not just by Homunculus.  
  
//Homunculus...//  
  
That... that... Eike couldn't find a word. There were plenty of words he might have used but none that he felt he could use. It was so confusing to him that it wasn't anger he felt towards the demon... no. It was betrayal. As if this truth had betrayed them both. Or was that the action itself. Eike wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything.  
  
//He ruined it,// Eike thought to himself. //He ruined everything... and so did I.//  
  
Yes. Eike couldn't force the blame entirely on Homunculus anymore. After all, it had been him, Eike, who had started all this. It was both their faults. But the anger that suddenly welled up in the young man's heart was because he now felt that Homunculus had ruined something other than the lives of those he cared about. He had just ruined them.  
  
Them... Eike and Homunculus. The little djinn, in his horribly misconstrued perception of what was right had ruined what they had. How in hell's name was Eike meant to forgive this, let alone forget it? How could he look Homunculus in the face again knowing what that djinn had done to him. He could get over being used because, when he thought about it, he had been saving his own life as well and not just the djinn's. But this... Even after forgiving Homunculus for all the terrible things he had done before now Eike couldn't forgive this because he knew that it had been done to him.  
  
And the spell would always be there. Soon... in a few years perhaps... he would forget all this. Everything that had happened with Dana, Margarete... and Homunculus. He would forget all the people he cared about and loved...  
  
Eike's shoulder's shook as angry tears began to fall and sobs coursed through his body uncontrollably.  
  
*******  
  
Delicate fingers ran over the books on the shelves. For a second they appeared to consider a book in particular, seizing it... and then letting go again to continue searching. Soft footsteps ran through the house as the only being left there searched desperately.  
  
Homunculus was looking for anything to distract his mind. He was desperate not to think about the consequences of what he had done. He didn't want to think that Eike might never walk back through that door again... or if he did it would only be to say...  
  
The djinn was glad his eyes had been too full of tears to see the look in the young man's eyes when the truth had finally been revealed. But now he was trapped in a torturous uncertainty that threatened to drive him insane. Would he come back, or wouldn't he? And what if he did... or didn't? What would he, Homunculus, do then? What would Eike do besides eventually forgetting everything they had shared, everything that had happened? He'd forget his anger, that was true, but he would also forget his love, if it still remained there after what had just taken place.  
  
His search became more frantic. He would /not/ stop and break down again. He wasn't certain how much of this shaking emotion his fragile body could take. Even his mind, strong as it was, was beginning to fracture under the unbearable strain of guilt and sorrow.  
  
"Eike?"  
  
The young female voice and the sound of the front door opening made Homunculus freeze in his step. He stood in the kitchen, his hand outstretched to one of the cupboards, absolutely still except for his eyes, which flicked back and forth in something approaching fear.  
  
"Eike?" The voice spoke again. And this time Homunculus recognised it. It was that girl... Margarete. The one he had...  
  
Guilt seized Homunculus as he once again remembered everything he had done. Now he began to tremble. It was bad enough that Eike was gone now, possibly forever. Did he have to deal with others making him feel such terrible guilt? Unable to bear the prospect of this, Homunculus prepared to dissolve his body into his own reality...  
  
"Hey, are you-"  
  
The sharp intake of breath, which interrupted the question not only told Homunculus that he had been discovered, but that he had also been recognised. It was typical really. How could the girl forget about the being that had tricked her brother, destroyed her family and then disappeared in a fountain of red chemicals before her eyes?  
  
He sighed and then turned to her, trying to maintain some dignity, even though he was aware that he had been crying and the evidence might still be there for her to see. The look of horror and realisation on the girl's face almost made the poor djinn break down yet again. It reminded him so much of another face he had seen and only recently allowed himself to remember.  
  
"Hello" he managed to murmur, thankfully without his voice breaking.  
  
"You're... you..."  
  
Homunculus only nodded, and then lowered his gaze, trying to collect his thoughts and his nerves. When he looked up again, more ready to deal with the inevitable onslaught of insults and accusations he saw only a slow and steady realisation in the young woman's eyes. He frowned, wondering what she could be thinking.  
  
"It's you... You and Eike... you're..."  
  
It took a moment for Homunculus to understand what she meant, but then he realised that Eike must have mentioned to her something about his new... relationship. Though it appeared he had left out the part where he explained /who/ his new partner was.  
  
Former partner, a little voice in his mind corrected. And at this Homunculus felt himself begin to tremble again. He managed to hold himself together only to hear Margarete's question:  
  
"W-where's Eike?"  
  
The djinn felt his eyes sting and a familiar ache deep inside him at the question. He opened his mouth to speak... to answer her question with some sarcastic remark to send the girl running away from him. He had to get her out of the house and away from him. He wasn't going to cry in front of her...  
  
But the only sound that came out was a choking sob, which freed the way for more sobs and tears, which now began to flow freely from his red-eyes. Ashamed of himself for crying in front of a mere mortal, Homunculus attempted to cover his face and turned away from her. But, unsteady on his feet suddenly, he felt himself begin to fall. He briefly managed to steady himself on one of the kitchen counters but the weight of his own body was too much for him and he couldn't uncover his face...  
  
The feeling of warm human arms on his arm and round his waist made him start. For one blessed moment he thought Eike had returned and turned with a look of hopeful joy to the person. But there were no green eyes... only soft brown ones. Maragrete... not Eike... was supporting him.  
  
This both saddened and confused him. Why was she helping him after everything he had done? He struggled to voice his question, but exhaustion defeated him and he sagged. Desperate to regain some dignity he tried to fight her off and grab hold of a sturdy surface. But he failed and finally resigned himself to Margarete's tender help.  
  
"Come on... you need to sit down."  
  
Everything was a dizzy blur for a little while as he was led to a seat and lowered gently into it. Homunculus was a little grateful and surprised that Margarete seemed to understand his need for delicate handling. He looked up at her as she took another chair beside him, still holding him upright.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked softly, genuine concern laced in her words.  
  
Homunculus managed a snort of amused bitterness. "And what on earth do you care? Shouldn't you hate me with every atom of your being?" Margarete seemed too shocked to respond so he continued. "I ruined your whole life. I stole you away from your parents... I ruined your family... I killed your brother... why the hell would you help me?"  
  
Margarete's astonishingly simple reply stunned him into silence.  
  
"Because you need help."  
  
He stared up at her. There was a hurt, indignant look in her eyes, but also one of genuine concern, so similar to the one he had seen in Eike's eyes. He couldn't think of anything to say... just looked at her.  
  
"I know what you did. I remember what Eike told me about you. But..." she seemed to think for a second. "I don't think Eike would be with you if he hadn't forgiven you... and if he forgives you... after you used him... then why can't I?" More silence. "And I'm not unhappy here. In fact I feel so much better here. I feel like I finally belong and I should be grateful for that and I am."  
  
Homunculus was awe-struck. All this forgiveness... it seemed to come so easily when he felt as though he was the most unforgivable creature in existence. He had never expected to meet two such extraordinary people. Perhaps he had underestimated a human's capacity to forgive. Both Eike and Margarete had forgiven him for all the terrible things he had done... except...  
  
"Eike's gone..." he managed to choke out to the girl. "He left... he's... gone..." He felt himself beginning to tremble again with his own sobs.  
  
"You mean..."  
  
"He left! He was angry and he left. He's gone and... I don't know if he'll ever come back and... I feel so..." angry sobs interrupted the flow of words and Homunculus bent his head, covering his face with his hands. He hated that he was crying in front of this girl, but he couldn't say anything other than the sorrow and pain he felt for what was happening.  
  
"You made him angry?"  
  
The innocent question prompted more sobs and only a nod could be given in response. Homunculus drew on his remaining strength and tried to drag himself away from Margarete, who still held on to his arms. He didn't want to be comforted. At least... not by her.  
  
"How?"  
  
"I... I did something I shouldn't have done... and now..." Homunculus shook his head. "I think he hates me now." And here his trembling reached an unbearable level, actually threatening to break his fragile body into pieces. Suddenly he felt so unbelievably tired from all his sobbing and trembling. Maybe sleep... or even black oblivion would be a good idea. At least then he wouldn't have to think about things.  
  
"Is it really that bad?" Homunculus stared up at her, puzzled. "If he cares about you that much... if he knows you care about him," she went on, "it can't be that bad."  
  
"It can be," Homunculus spat out, suddenly filled with self-loathing instead of self-pity. "I /made/ it that bad. It's my fault. This whole damned thing is my fault and now I've ruined it all... After everything..."  
  
"Calm down," Margarete said, desperate in the face of the djinn's bitter sorrow. "You'll only make yourself more upset thinking that way... Surely you can get through this. One fight... it doesn't end everything. Eike forgave you for everything else. Why is this different?"  
  
"It just /is/, damn you!" Homunculus almost shouted at the poor girl, venting his anger at the only other person present. "It's changed everything for him in a way you can't even imagine! And he'll probably leave me for it. I... I even think he /should/." Homunculus words began to come slower now as he began to realise something. "I don't deserve him. He should be... with... But he can't. I've ruined everything for him. It's all my fault."  
  
Margarete refused to allow Homunculus' words hurt her or stand in her way. "If you caused this then you're the one who has to fix it!" she said, standing up and actually daring to pull on the demon's arm. "And you can. I know you can. I know about all the other things you did. You can make this work out for both of you. But it's up to you. /You/ have to convince him to stay."  
  
Homunculus watched the girl, his mood now more dejected than hateful. But he couldn't deny the sense the girl made. She was right. He couldn't expect Eike to sort out every little problem they had along the way. One of them had to do something and... No... /he/ had to do something. There was no question about it. It was /his/ responsibility and he would shoulder it even if it cost him everything...  
  
"You're... right."  
  
He never thought he'd say it and mean it with all his being. He stared up at Margarete and saw the smiling determination in her face. That was what he needed. He had to have that, and this girl had set him down the right road.  
  
He shook off her hands, not out of shame but simply as a display of new resolve and strength. He wanted to stand on his own feet, be his own responsibility again. He was grateful, he could admit to that, for Margarete's help, but he had to do this on his own. He had to show that he was worth something, even if it was only forgiveness and not love.  
  
"Thank you," he said, collecting his energy together to speak. "I... I need to go."  
  
Margarete's smile broadened. "Yeah, I know. Good luck."  
  
"Thank you," he murmured again, and managed a grateful smile at the young mortal before slowly dissolving his body into his own realm...  
  
"Where are you, Eike?" he whispered to himself, turning to his window, filled with the beautiful image of a distant sunset, an image that changed to long dark streets lit with lamp light.  
  
"Where are you..."  
  
*******  
  
Finding it impossible to keep still, feeling restless and angry, Eike was on the move again, not really paying attention to where he was going, just staring at his feet on the cobbles.  
  
Cobbles... So he was in the square now?  
  
He finally looked up, and there was that damned tree. He glared at it like it was offending him with its presence. It brought back the memory... of when he was walking with Margarete and found the stone hidden in the branches like an egg in a nest. What would have happened if he had left it where it was, or had not found it at all?  
  
//I guess in one reality that's what I did do// he thought, almost smiling as he remembered all Homunculus' lectures on time.  
  
Oh god... Homunculus.  
  
The thought of the djinn brought a lump to Eike's throat, which was already sore from crying earlier. He was so confused about his feelings for him now. He felt like he should hate him, and part of the young man wanted to hate him. But something else simply wouldn't allow it. Something deep down felt too much for the djinn to hate him.  
  
//I love him too much to hate him,// Eike realised with a kind of cynical affection. //But... do I love him enough to...//  
  
"Eike?"  
  
The sound of Homunculus' voice shattered the otherwise blissful quiet surrounding Eike. He wasn't certain whether he was glad to hear those unearthly tones so soon, but he turned to face the demon anyway, drawing himself up as though he were about to face a fight for his life.  
  
He was surprised by the look of determination and relief on the djinn's face, though that was explained in the words that followed.  
  
"I was almost afraid I wouldn't find you. I... I missed the opportunity to say something. You left before I had the chance..."  
  
Eike stared at the djinn. It was strange to see him like this, so eager and determined, especially when he was normally so calm and collected, even with his new emotions. He was intrigued as well. What else might need to be said? And then, before he could stop himself...  
  
"What? Got another interesting detail about my ruined life that you feel obligated to tell?"  
  
Homunculus was in a bad enough way as it was. As soon as he had appeared in the square and called Eike's name he had felt his seemingly unshakeable determination begin to slip from him. He had begun to feel afraid again, and the tremble in his body was returning, and gradually getting worse. To hear Eike, sounding very angry and upset still over everything, was not helping him at all, and made his situation, and his intended words, seem all the more hopeless.  
  
Worst of all, it awoke and deep born instinct that threatened their already precarious situation.  
  
"You humans... you /ask/ for the truth and then you act as if it would have been better if nothing had been said," he spat out bitterly. "You never learn. It's as if you want everything ruined for you."  
  
"Well congratulations, Homunculus. You did a hell of a good job ruining everything for me."  
  
"You wanted the truth... I gave it to you. As far as I'm concerned you brought this on yourself. Just like you brought your whole fate on yourself when you summoned me and made that idiotic wish."  
  
Eike's fists clenched by his sides. "Don't you dare try and make out that this is all my fault, Homunculus. Just because /you/ got hurt never gave you the right to hurt others. You didn't have to twist my wish, but you did. And now look where it's brought us."  
  
"So hate me then, if it makes you feel better. If it makes you feel blameless," Homunculus was still trapped in his sarcastic facade, but it couldn't hold for long. He could feel the ache and the sting in his eyes... more palpable by the second. But he forced himself to go on looking into Eike's face, staring into green eyes that showed too many conflicting emotions for him to pin down.  
  
"If I could hate you, god damn it, I would with all my soul. Oh but you've probably taken that already haven't you. Is that how you won me over so easily before?"  
  
Eike couldn't believe he was saying these things. Moments before he had been considering forgiving the djinn. Now it was like they were mortal enemies and this was their final confrontation, where words were far more powerful than magic or physical blows. But he couldn't stop any of the words and he wondered if Homunculus was having the same trouble as he was...  
  
He could not have been more right.  
  
"How nice that you think that little of me," Homunculus snarled at the young man. "Perhaps I should remind you of the family you disregarded in order to summon me? The people you forgot about... when my spell took affect... the..." Why did he suddenly feel so breathless?  
  
"That spell was your fault. You did that to me. It's /your/ fault."  
  
"How very human... of you..." //Everything's becoming a blur...// "To blame everything on someone... else." Homunculus took a step back, suddenly needing a wider base in order to keep himself upright.  
  
"You're the..." Eike saw Homunculus stumble back slightly. He faltered at the sight, and his body jerked as an instinct told him to run and support the djinn. But he forced himself to hold his ground. "You're the one you tries to find a blame for everything you do."  
  
"I..."  
  
That was as far as Homunculus got before the ache inside became overwhelming and his knees weakened under him. He felt himself falling forwards and watched as the world, and Eike's image began to spin in front of him, still blurred and distorted, almost beyond recognition.  
  
Thankfully, he sagged rather than fell, which made the impact less hard on his fragile body. But he felt so weak... he had only felt like this once before...  
  
"Eike..." he managed to murmur.  
  
It was wonderful to feel the young man's presence by his side suddenly and feel his supporting arms around him. There was so much warmth in that embrace and Homunculus had never felt more grateful for it. He found himself struggling for words... trying desperately to say something.  
  
"Homunculus, what's wrong. Speak to me! What's wrong?"  
  
Eike's desperate words cleared his mind for a second and the djinn opened blood-red eyes, finally managing to get them to focus properly on the being he loved so much. He felt his thoughts clear, but something deep down told him it would not last for long. He had to do what he needed to do /now/.  
  
"Eike... I never got the chance... you never let me say... that I'm sorry for everything. I love you and I'm so sorry. And..." he was weakening again. His vision was growing dark and his sentences were clipped. "I want to spend eternity... making amends. With you right beside me."  
  
"Oh god, no," he heard Eike say above him, though he couldn't see him anymore. And the sound was fading too now... "No... don't you dare..."  
  
And then there was the blackness of oblivion. But it was no longer sweet and inviting. Instead it was cold and empty... but he had no choice anymore and, it seemed, no hope.  
  
*******  
  
It was painful to move, even to open his eyes, but Homunculus did because he had to know. He forced the heavy lids back. When his vision was clear enough for him to make any reasonable judgement of what he saw, Homunculus realised that he was staring at a bedroom ceiling. A familiar one...  
  
"Eike?" he murmured softly, not sure if he expected the young man to hear but definitely hoping.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
The sound was from another part of the room, but as he listened he heard footsteps come closer. Then weight on the edge of the bed as a familiar and welcome face appeared in Homunculus' limited field of vision.  
  
Homunculus, despite the situation, couldn't withhold an ironic smile. "Did I ever explain deja-vu to you Eike?" he asked.  
  
He was relieved when the blonde actually smiled but knew it wouldn't last for long. He struggled for the right words... the words he had practically branded into him own mind.  
  
"I'm sorry, Eike. I'm so, so sorry."  
  
"Ssh," Eike hushed the djinn quietly, not wanting him to strain himself too much. "I know. You've already said." For a moment Homunculus was confused, then he remembered what had happened before, at the moment he had blacked out.  
  
"I was almost afraid I had imagined saying it... and that I'd left it too late," he murmured.  
  
"No," Eike said. "I heard you loud and clear. And I understood you."  
  
Now Homunculus was confused. His delicate brow furrowed in question as he looked into the green eyes above him.  
  
"I'd... I'd be honoured to stay by you for eternity, Homunculus. I'd love to. Back in the square, when you blacked out... I thought I'd lost you for good. I was scared you wouldn't wake up. But you have, and... and now it's my turn to apologise."  
  
"For-?"  
  
"For what I said before," Eike said, knowing what the djinn's question would be. "I had no right to blame everything on you. There's so much blame that I need to take as well. I was wrong to try and throw it all on you."  
  
"It's not as though I'm entirely blameless myself, Eike."  
  
"I know... but still," Eike let the sentence hang, a nod from Homunculus confirming that he understood. "And I want..." he smiled slightly now, "to make a deal."  
  
A sceptical eyebrow was raised. "I'm surprised. Given the deals we've made in the past you should know better."  
  
The joke, Homunculus realised too late, could have backfired and ruined everything, but mercifully all he received was a half-amused, half- disapproving smile from the man.  
  
"I'll forgive you... if you forgive me."  
  
The djinn smiled contentedly at this, his hopes realised and his doubts scattered. He shut his eyes as he felt the relief wash over him that everything really would be all right. All it took was three little words.  
  
"I forgive you." He murmured, opening his eyes and staring Eike straight in the face, wanting him to see the utter sincerity in his eyes. The smile he was given in return bathed him in warm happiness.  
  
"I forgive you."  
  
And then a soft mouth was lowered against his, and the two kissed gently, but with more emotion than anyone could begin to describe. Homunculus sighed against Eike's mouth, wishing he had the strength to reach up and hold the man. Instead he let Eike wrap him up in a gentle embrace and kissed him more deeply, before pulling away.  
  
Three more words were needed here...  
  
"I love you."  
  
And that smile again...  
  
"I love you too."  
  
****The End**** 


End file.
